How to de-escalate during a fight in a relationship

During a fight in a relationship, staying present and escalating the conflict by getting louder, repeating oneself, and resorting to criticism and contempt is considered a failure. To de-escalate, successful couples recognize when they are getting flooded and call for a break. This break allows both partners to self-soothe and engage in activities that distract from the fight, such as reading, listening to music, or meditating. When both partners are calmer, they come back together to have a productive conversation. One way to gauge if you are calmer is by checking your heart rate, and if it has returned to normal, you are in a better state to communicate.