
Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal
Snippet 20: 4 Signs That Your Relationship Will Fail - Relationship Experts Dr John & Julie Gottman
Apr 11, 2023
Drs. John and Julie Gottman reveal intriguing insights from four decades of relationship research. They discuss the 'four horsemen of the apocalypse,' detailing negative behaviors that can signal relationship trouble. The podcast emphasizes the importance of fostering positive emotions and effective communication, especially during conflicts. Listeners learn about the physiological responses to arguments and practical strategies to improve dialogue, like taking breaks and self-soothing techniques, to sustain healthier relationships.
08:55
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Quick takeaways
- Positive to negative emotion ratio is a key predictor of relationship success or failure, with successful couples exhibiting five times as much positive emotion as negative.
- The 'Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse' - criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stone-walling - accurately predict relationship failures, and addressing these negative behaviors is crucial for preventing breakdowns.
Deep dives
Positive Emotion vs. Negative Emotion
One of the main predictors of the success or failure of a relationship is the ratio of positive to negative emotions. The podcast explains that successful couples exhibit five times as much positive emotion as negative, even during conflicts. On the other hand, unsuccessful couples have a ratio close to one, with slightly more negative emotion than positive. The presence of positive emotions like affection, curiosity, and interest in each other plays a significant role in maintaining a healthy relationship.
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