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David Brooks on the Art of Seeing and Hearing Others

Open to Debate

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The Power of Listening and Respect in Debates

Listening is more powerful than talking in persuasion as it makes people feel understood and open to change. Competitive motivations in debates can deteriorate relationships and lead to the desire to win at all costs. Debates should be a competition between partial truths, with the goal of finding a balance. In debates, it's important to be curious about each other and see from another's point of view. Honest debates that focus on substance rather than hostility can lead to understanding the other person's beliefs. Tricks for maintaining debates as learning exercises include finding the disagreement under the disagreement, keeping the gem statement in the center, and standing in the opponent's standpoint. Respect is crucial in debates, as it affects the flow of emotions in a conversation. Despite disagreements, debates can be conducted without emotional animosity, and the passion and vigor in debates can convey meaningful emotions.

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