Zach Lauzon, a Google engineer and novice meditator, shares how learning the first five jhanas on a retreat changed his worldview, relationship to hard things, and unlocked personality-change. He describes how he used the jhanas to process the suicide of his best friend after years of therapy. Topics include welcoming distractions in meditation, seeing difficult material as things to be understood and accepted, and the deep sense of equanimity achieved through jhana.