ERP 063: How To keep Your Relationship Strong (when she is more successful)

Are men really attracted to successful women? Does a man feel threatened or emasculated when his female partner outperforms him? Is a marriage compromised when the woman is the breadwinner?

In the episode, I discuss findings from several research studies that address these questions. Please see links below to access articles and blogs (under "Mentioned").

Here are some main points:

• Men are attracted to female intelligence, and it is one of the strongest predictors of romantic interest. (Pincott, 2016)
• However, the challenge arises when men feel they are being outperformed. (Pincott, 2016)
• "Without realizing it, men reframe 'Wow, my partner is successful' as 'Wow, my partner is successful and I am unsuccessful.'" (Pincott, 2016)
• "The blow to the ego, however self-inflicted, appears to hurt how men see their relationship." (Pincott, 2016)
• The good news is that men can feel good, even when their female partner outperforms them, if they view the relationship itself as an emotional resource. (Pincott, 2016)
• Growing trend that women are the primary breadwinners in the home. (Rampell, 2013)
• "Couples in which the wife earns more report less satisfaction with their marriage and higher rates of divorce." (Shpilberg, 2013)
• Men 100% economically dependent on wives are most at risk for cheating, according to study, Christin Munsch, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Connecticut. (Wallace, 2015)
• "'Most men don't have affairs,' says Marshall. 'But they stray when they are desperate, when they feel unheard, un-listened to. It is demeaning to say they need their ego stroked, but when you step off the primrose path – and by this I mean the usual path most go down – you need to do a lot of talking.'" (Cavendish, 2015)
• "If a man feels emasculated and as if he has lost his purpose in his life, he needs to ask himself some hard and difficult questions: 'who am I? What gives my life meaning?' The easy question is, 'do I fancy this other woman?' The simple answer to that is often, 'yes'." (Cavendish, 2015)

9 WAYS TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WHEN SHE IS THE BREADWINNER: PART ONE (2 OF 9)

Be sure to listen to the episode to hear stories, examples, and more tips.

1. Know what kind of life you want to create with your significant other.

• In regards to division of labor, gender roles (i.e. traditional), societal expectations, quality of life (i.e. work/life balance.), personal desires and preferences.

2. Know what it means to you to be a man/know what it means to you to be a woman.

• What makes you feel like a woman/what makes you feel like a man?
• What is important to you and your identity as a man/woman?

Stay tuned for the next podcast episode where I offer you 7 more ways to strengthen your relationship when these tensions exist.

MENTIONED:

• "Acting A fool: Why is female intelligence a turnoff for some men, even those who profess otherwise" By Jena Pincott (Psychology Today: June 2016)
• "U.S. Women on the Rise as Family Breadwinner" By Catherine Rampell (article)
• "Women Breadwinners: Less Satisfied in Marriage?" By Sandra Shpilberg(article)
• "Husbands of female breadwinners most at risk for cheating, says study" By Kelly Wallace (article)
• "The danger of being a breadwinning wife" By Lucy Cavendish (Article)
• How Can I Ever Trust You Again?: Infidelity: From Discovery to Recovery in Seven Steps By Andrew Marshall (book)
• Sex and the city – Speed dating (video clip)

TRANSCRIPT:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 063: How To Keep Your Relationship Strong (when she is more successful) – Part I.

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If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Empowered Relationship Course or doing relationship coaching work with me.