The Secure Love Podcast with Julie Menanno Session 19: Unpacking Shame and The Reality of Healing (Season Finale)
Jan 20, 2026
In this season finale, the hosts tackle the roots of shame and the differences between shame and guilt. Brian reflects on how his exhausting ambition stems from a fear of feeling 'less than.' The discussion reveals the cycle of fear and disconnection within their relationship, spurred by past experiences and family influences. A poignant moment occurs when Brian learns to ask for support, challenging old patterns. As they acknowledge setbacks, it's clear that healing requires ongoing effort and connection amidst regression.
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What Shame Truly Is
- Shame is not mere embarrassment or guilt; it says "I messed up because I am a mess up."
- Chronic, unrepaired messages in childhood teach people to hide perceived defectiveness and avoid exposure.
The Shame Cycle Explained
- People develop strategies to hide shame, like perfectionism, people-pleasing, control, or numbing.
- Those strategies create problems that feed more shame, forming a self-perpetuating shame cycle.
When Success Is Fuelled By Fear
- A success drive can be life-giving or fear-based; fear-driven success aims to outrun beliefs of being 'less than.'
- When driven by shame, achievement becomes exhausting and damages relationships.
