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How to Regulate Your Emotions and Mental Chatter When Bad Things Happen | Maya Shankar

109 snips
Jan 28, 2026
Maya Shankar, cognitive scientist and former Obama White House advisor, explores how change shapes identity. She discusses formative losses that led her research. Short practical tools include affect labeling, psychological distancing, adaptive distraction, and reframing. Conversations cover biases like the end-of-history illusion and how awe or community can loosen rumination.
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ANECDOTE

Career-Ending Injury Shaped Her Focus

  • Maya lost a promising violin career after a tendon injury and realized she was mourning the loss of a core self-identity.
  • That childhood experience triggered her interest in studying how people navigate major life changes.
ANECDOTE

Fertility Struggles Reopened Old Wounds

  • Maya and her husband faced repeated fertility losses, including miscarriage of identical twins, which reignited identity grief from childhood.
  • That adult experience deepened her research into building resilience for major life disruptions.
ADVICE

Anchor Identity To Your Why

  • Anchor your identity to your underlying "why" rather than a single role or activity.
  • Use your core motivations (e.g., desire to connect, help, learn) as a durable North Star when life removes a defining "what."
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