The 3 Things Your Kid Needs - Michelle Mitchell (Parenting Expert) On Why The 'Tween' Years Are So Important

Author and speaker, Michelle Mitchell, joins Jules to unpack the “in-between” years - why ages 9-12 are a distinct developmental stage, what tweens need most, and how parents can balance boundaries with independence. From tech rules to friendship drama, family meetings to the “borrow their calm” ritual, this conversation is stacked with practical language you can use tonight at the dinner table.

What you’ll learn:

• Why tweens are not “mini teens”: Ages 9-12 are a unique developmental stage with rapid change across five domains - physical, social, emotional, sexual and cognitive.
• The Big Three needs: Every tween is scanning for safety (physical + psychological), a sense of belonging, and proof that they matter. Design home life and routines to meet these needs first
• Comfort-zone model: Use Green (comfort), Yellow (stretch), Red (panic) to gauge challenges. We want regular, supported stretches without tipping into panic.
• Circles of decision-making: Get clear on what parents decide, what kids decide, and what you negotiate together and expect those circles to shift as kids grow.
• “Test & measure” independence: Offer small freedoms with clear conditions, review how it went, then dial the rope in or out. Language that regulates: Start with “Good on you for noticing… How do you feel about that? What’s your next best step?”
• Borrowing calm: Sometimes tweens don’t need a debrief - they need proximity. Sit nearby, share quiet TV time, go for a walk. Calm is contagious. Siblings without carnage: Hold a short family meeting to name needs and set non-negotiables. Kids try to solve conflict without hurting themselves, others, or the environment and use a 5-minute “reset” before re-engaging.
• Tutors & extra help: Prioritise support when the goal matters to the child; don’t build their week around propping up things that aren’t meaningful to them. 
• Mistakes are curriculum: Expect them. Keep connection intact while you walk through consequences, ideally those you’ve pre-agreed together. 
• Tech that protects connection: Delay personal devices as long as possible, keep tech out of bedrooms/bathrooms, and make mealtimes device-free. You’ll want the conversation habits later.

Disclaimer: This episode shares general information only and is not a substitute for
personalised professional advice.

LINKS & RESOURCES:
Michelle's Website:
https://michellemitchell.org

Michelle's Website:
https://www.instagram.com/michellemitchell.author/

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CREDITS:
Sound Engineer & Music: @kailesh_reitmans
Videographer & Editor: @nathan_niguidula
Producer: @lisajohnston_ @julessebastian

Welcome to Tea with Jules hosted by Jules Sebastian. Here we spill the tea and learn life lessons from honest conversations with experts, celebrities and friends.