The Belonging Paradox: Finding Your Place Without Losing Yourself with Dr. Otito Iwuchukwu

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Jul 21, 2025

Dr. Otito Iwuchukwu, an Associate Professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University, discusses the emotional layers of belonging. She challenges the notion of belonging as a fixed state, presenting it instead as a dynamic journey. The conversation touches on the struggles of neurodivergent individuals and the toll of masking on authenticity. Dr. Iwuchukwu emphasizes the need for boundaries and self-acceptance, alongside practical tools for fostering genuine connections. Listeners are encouraged to navigate social challenges with grace and understanding.

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INSIGHT

Belonging as Human Need

Belonging is a human need to be seen, liked, and included by others.
It is both an internal motivation and based on external signals of acceptance in interactions.

INSIGHT

Masking Challenges Belonging

Neurodivergent people may mask to fit in but at the cost of authenticity.
This causes tension because their true selves seek belonging but they hide behind adopted personas.

ADVICE

Build Belonging by Sharing Stories

Share your personal story openly to create common ground for belonging.
Foster environments where mistakes are accepted to build authentic connections.

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Hey team!

Our guest today is Dr. Otito Iwuchukwu, who is here to talk about the emotional and psychological aspects of belonging and how it impacts our day-to-day lives. Dr. Iwuchukwu has a Master of Arts in Organizational Psychology from the College of Psychology and Counseling, a Ph.D. in Pharmaceutical Sciences, with a specialization in Drug Metabolism and Pharmacokinetics, from Temple University, and is currently an Associate Professor at Fairleigh Dickinson University. Her scholarly contributions appear in a range of peer-reviewed and indexed publications and have been presented at numerous research meetings and symposia across the world.

Additionally, Dr. Iwuchukwu has recently written The Belonging Paradox, a book that presents a new way to understand belonging as an adaptive journey rather than a static destination.

In this episode, we talk about why belonging is a dynamic, ongoing process, not a fixed state, and how we can create more inclusive environments for ourselves and others. We’ll also discuss how masking impacts our sense of belonging, the role boundaries play in maintaining our authenticity, and the importance of giving ourselves and others grace. If you’ve ever struggled with finding your place, especially in social settings or work environments, you’ll find practical tools in this conversation for navigating those tough moments.

The Belonging Paradox - https://www.otitoiwuchukwu.com/new-book/

Dr. Otito Iwuchukwu on LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/otitoiwuchukwu/

If you'd life to follow along on the show notes page you can find that at https://HackingYourADHD.com/232

https://tinyurl.com/y835cnrk - YouTube

https://www.patreon.com/HackingYourADHD - Patreon

This Episode's Top Tips

1. Belonging isn’t a fixed state, but an ongoing process that changes with both your internal state and the external environment. Recognizing this can help you manage expectations and frustrations when your sense of belonging fluctuates.

2. Recognize that you don’t have to belong to every group, and not all groups are meant for a deep, personal connection. Don’t force yourself to belong in every situation; if a group or environment doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to step back.

3. You don’t have to be liked by everyone. Instead, it’s important for us to focus on finding spaces where we can truly belong. It’s about finding authentic connections, not chasing superficial acceptance.