Tim & Natasha Part 2 of 4: How Your Parents Affect Your Parenting

This is part 2 of the 4 part series with Tim and Natasha who share their concerns and challenges with their 6-year-old daughter Rosie. This episode discusses how Tim and Natasha’s own childhood experiences and their personalities affect how they in turn parent their own child.  Tim and Natasha both feel strongly about not repeating what their own parents modeled.  It’s  harder than you think, to not impose your own issues into parenting.  And it doesn’t help that children often and easily make the interpretation that they are BAD.  Children can feel invalidated when that is not the intention of their parents.  And its not only the child that can feel badly about themselves.  Parents can also feel judged or struggle to feel good enough as a parent.  

Takeaways from this session:

• 6:09 Use the expression - when does this work for you and when does this not work for you
• 7:03 Practice being dialectic - use two hands when helping the child become aware of what’s happening inside themselves and what’s happening outside of them.  
• 7:37 Slow down when dealing with your child. It helps you and it helps them
• 7:56 Playing the Other-Interpretation-Game. 
• 8:49 S.T.O.P. Skill
• 14:25  Telling a child what to do, rather than telling your child what not to do. 
• 17:32 Clarifying the intention of communication 
• 21:05 Being responsible as the adult for your own anger (children don’t make us angry, that’s how you respond to whatever they are doing)
• 21:50 The three states of mind - Emotion Mind, Wise Mind, Reasonable Mind
• 24:30  Shoulding our children is shaming them - Example of shaming statement
• 31:50 It is very common for children to feel like they are bad - that’s shame.Beware of the shame-blame game.  
• 32:50 Using the line:  That’s a feeling not a fact

LESLIE-ISM  Every quality or behavior we have works for us some of the time and doesn’t work some of the time. Whether it is being loud or doing nothing, there are two sides of the coin for each behavior or quality that we have.  Ask yourself and ask your child:  When does this work for you and when does it not work for you

Show Note Links
An overview of What Dialectic Behavior Therapy
Three States of Mind
STOP Skill

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contribute