This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about dealing with loneliness and how to cope with feeling isolated and alone. She also explains the reasons behind us being immature, how to let ourselves be genuinely happy, and how to know whether therapy is working or not.
Ask Kati Anything ep.244 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT
Audience questions:
1. I’m struggling with feeling incredibly lonely and like I don’t matter, even though I logically know there are people who love me. It’s hard to shake the feeling that others might be happier without me around. Most of the time, I’m alone outside of work, and I often see others spending time together, which only deepens that feeling. I try to reach out ahead of time and let friends know I’d love to join if they make plans, but when the time comes, I don’t get invited—and then I find out they still got together without me. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember, and it’s hard not to believe that it’s because there’s something wrong with me or that I’m unlovable. How can I break out of this rut and start to believe I’m worth connecting with? While I’m safe and won’t act on it, it’s sometimes really hard to keep battling the thoughts of whether I still want to be here. For context, I was significantly bullied as a kid, have CPTSD, am in therapy (both EMDR and talk), and have a history of emotional neglect and abuse from most of my family. Thank you for reading and for any advice you can offer. 00:54
2. How do I deal with being alone? My boyfriend of 6 years is moving away for a few months for his university placements before I join him later in the year for our permanent move. I’m terrified of being left at home by myself. I know I can talk to him every day but it just won’t feel the same. I’m very affectionate and love physical closeness so being physically distant feels heartbreaking. How can I cope if traveling to see him isn’t an option due to the need to save money for the move in the future? 07:23
3. My therapist recently told me I was emotionally immature (it's true, but it still hurt to hear it). Even though I have a lot of other issues (I'm a highly sensitive person, I have low self esteem), I want to work on improving myself. Do you have any tips or tools to improve my emotional maturity? Thanks for your amazing podcast, you've had such a positive impact on my life. 13:05
4. Why won't I allow myself to be genuinely happy? I have been diagnosed with MDD and GAD. I go through depressive episodes that last a few days to about a week and they happen every few months. It used to last much longer and come more frequently but meds, therapy, and PHP have brought it down to where it is now. However when I am not in an episode, I still feel like I am existing and not living - it's like my mind won't let me be happy. It is a point I feel stuck with in therapy. 21:56
5. I have been in therapy for a couple years and I still can’t figure out if it’s working or not. Some of my symptoms have faded, I feel more functional, and my physical symptoms have minimized. However, I feel more suicidal then I ever have, I struggle with self harm, I always feel horrible about myself, and the only thing I look forward to is therapy. It’s like my whole life just relies on therapy and my therapist. 25:48
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