Stronger Marriage Connection The Imago Connection: Transforming Conflict into Growth | Mary Kay Cocharo | #130
Mary Kay Cocharo shares how Imago therapy helps transform relationship conflicts into opportunities for healing childhood wounds through a structured dialogue process that fosters safety, understanding, and deep connection.
• Imago theory suggests we're unconsciously attracted to partners who possess both positive and negative traits of our childhood caretakers
• Relationships typically move from a romantic stage (lasting about two years) to a power struggle phase where childhood wounds emerge
• 50% of married couples divorce during the power struggle phase after about six years of conflict
• The Intentional Dialogue process involves mirroring (reflecting what was said), validating (acknowledging the other's perspective makes sense), and empathizing
• Surface conflicts often mask deeper childhood wounds, as illustrated by a couple fighting about a dog that actually connected to grief over a mother's death
• Sitting 18 inches apart with eye contact calms the limbic brain and activates the cortex, creating a neurobiological state conducive to problem-solving
• People typically respond to conflict by either "hyper-arousing" (getting louder/more expressive) or "hypo-arousing" (withdrawing/shutting down)
• Three key elements for a stronger marriage connection: touch/physical affection, safe/respectful communication, and shared activities
• Focus on the dynamic in the space between you rather than blaming your partner
• Simple eye gazing for a few minutes can rebuild connection when words have become triggering
Mary Kay's Resources
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