Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled Why Bribes and Threats Aren't Helpful (and What to Do Instead)
Oct 13, 2020
A parent's struggle with using bribes and threats to manage behavior highlights the pitfalls of such tactics. It explores how these methods can damage intrinsic motivation and relationships. Instead, the conversation emphasizes the power of setting loving boundaries to create security and trust. By shifting focus to honest communication, parents can foster cooperation and emotional healing. It's a journey of moving away from fear-based approaches towards more respectful and effective parenting strategies.
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Rewards Can Kill Intrinsic Motivation
- Rewards undermine intrinsic motivation by turning enjoyable activities into work.
- Children learn to do things for external payoffs instead of internal satisfaction.
Manipulation Harms Trust
- Bribes and threats damage the parent-child relationship by creating an us-versus-them dynamic.
- Children sense manipulation and that erodes trust and cooperation.
Prioritize Relationship Over Rewards
- Build cooperation through a trusting, respectful relationship rather than rewards.
- Be polite, empathetic, and consistent to reduce resistance and defiance.