How to Build Unshakeable Confidence

Jan 15, 2026

Dive into a confidence masterclass that redefines what unshakeable confidence really means. Discover how minority stress and shame can fuel an inner critic, making self-trust feel elusive. The hosts explore the importance of action and discomfort in building resilience. Uncover the truth about 'fake it till you make it' and learn why self-compassion is vital when facing setbacks. With practical advice on dealing with rejection, this episode offers a clear path to transforming shaky confidence into lasting strength.

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INSIGHT

Confidence Starts Below Zero

Gay men start building confidence from a shame deficit because parts of themselves were unsafe to show growing up.
Michael calls this extra burden a "confidence tax" (minority stress) that lowers baseline self-trust compared to straight peers.

ADVICE

Grow Confidence Through Exposure

Build confidence by exposing yourself to life and meeting discomfort instead of avoiding it.
Reno recommends befriending difficult experiences and practicing presence to grow stability.

INSIGHT

Confidence Is Domain-Specific And Dynamic

Confidence is dynamic and domain-specific, not a global fixed trait.
Matt says identity alignment and nervous-system work are core to rebuilding genuine self-trust.

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This episode of Gay Men Going Deeper is less of a casual conversation and more of a confidence masterclass. One you’ll likely want to come back to again and again.

We break down what real, unshakeable confidence actually is (and what it isn’t). Not the loud, performative kind, but the grounded confidence that comes from self-trust, self-compassion, and emotional regulation.

We talk honestly about why confidence can feel harder for gay men, how minority stress and shame shape a harsh inner critic, and how we deal with setbacks. In this episode, we cover:

How confidence is built through action, discomfort, self-compassion
How shame and the inner critic quietly undermine self-trust
Whether “fake it till you make it” actually works… and where it falls apart
Why taking action builds confidence (and how inaction erodes it)
How self-compassion keeps confidence intact when things go wrong
What to do when confidence wobbles after rejection, embarrassment, or insecurity

If you’ve ever looked confident on the outside but felt shaky on the inside, this episode will help you understand why, and give you a clear, grounded path forward.

Save this one. It’s the kind of episode you’ll get something new from every time you listen.

Today's Hosts:

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