Say More - Miranda July and Esther Perel on The Rebirth of Desire
Sep 23, 2024
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In this discussion, writer and artist Miranda July shares her unique storytelling insights alongside renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel. They delve into the intricate bond between love and desire in modern relationships, contrasting domesticity and eroticism. Exploring themes of vulnerability, they navigate the emotional complexities of intimacy and the impact of societal expectations. They also discuss the essence of eroticism beyond mere physicality and its role in deepening connections. Their dynamic conversation offers rich perspectives on desire and creativity.
The podcast emphasizes the tension between societal expectations of motherhood and women's personal desires, highlighting the need for reclaiming identity beyond caregiving roles.
Miranda July and Esther Perel discuss the vital role of vulnerability in relationships, suggesting that sharing insecurities can deepen emotional connections and enhance desire.
Deep dives
Exploring Female Desire During Midlife
The conversation delves into the complexities of female desire during the midlife phase, particularly for women aged 45 to 50. Many women experience a biological clock crisis, characterized by a dwindling libido and questions about the future, leading them to ponder whether they will endure years of unfulfilled desires. This exploration parallels themes found in the novel 'All Force' by Miranda July, which metaphorically addresses the dichotomy between safety and adventure, highlighting a tension between the domestic sphere and the erotic. The discourse emphasizes the importance of openly discussing these dilemmas and the need for women to reclaim their narrative around desire.
Challenging Societal Norms of Motherhood
A significant theme in the discussion is the societal expectations imposed on motherhood, emphasizing that mothers often feel pressured to prioritize their children's needs at the expense of their own desires. This self-sacrificing mentality creates an internal conflict, leading to feelings of shame when mothers pursue personal fulfillment or autonomy. The idea is presented that a woman’s perceived selfishness often conflicts with the stoic archetype of a good mother, causing emotional turmoil. Consequently, reclaiming one's identity outside of motherhood is portrayed as a complex and vital journey.
The Intricacies of Relationship Dynamics
The podcast highlights the tension between individuals in relationships who fear losing each other compared to those apprehensive about losing their sense of self. It points out that this cycle of fear can lead to misunderstandings and emotional disconnect. Emphasizing the importance of vulnerability in relationships, the discussion suggests that openly sharing insecurities can foster deeper connections. By allowing partners to voice their fears, individuals can navigate their relationship with more flexibility and understanding, ultimately balancing the needs for security and freedom.
The Role of Eroticism in Relationships
Eroticism is explored as a complex facet that transcends mere sexual activity, highlighting its significance as a source of vibrancy and connection within relationships. The notion suggests that eroticism stems from human imagination and is essential for a quality, spirited sexual experience. The conversation challenges the conventional binary definition of affairs, suggesting that emotional connections can be equally potent in defining erotic experiences. Ultimately, the importance of fostering a fertile emotional landscape within relationships is projected as a critical element in maintaining intimacy and desire.
This week, Esther is in a borrowed bedroom in Los Angeles, the perfect place to talk about desire and the novel on every bedside table, All Fours. The writer, director, and artist, Miranda July, joins Esther to examine the erotic and to explore how love and desire relate and how they conflict in modern relationships. They discuss the tension between the domestic and erotic through the lens of Esther's new desire course, which Miranda had a sneak peek at.
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