On Attachment

#185: How Caretaking Impacts Our Relationships

Apr 26, 2025

The podcast dives into the fine line between caring and caretaking in relationships. It reveals how caretaking, often fueled by anxiety and control, can lead to resentment and imbalance. You'll learn how these dynamics can create emotional dependency, leaving partners feeling disconnected. Practical insights are shared on recognizing caretaking behaviors and shifting towards healthier interactions. The discussion emphasizes the importance of mutual responsibility and trust for truly connected relationships.

21:30

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Quick takeaways

Caretaking behaviors often stem from anxiety and the need for control, leading to imbalances that hinder emotional connection and growth.

Transitioning from caretaking to genuine caring encourages healthy boundaries, mutual responsibility, and supports the development of independent, resilient partners.

Deep dives

The Impact of Caretaking on Relationships

Caretaking behaviors in relationships often stem from anxiety and a desire to control outcomes, making them potentially harmful. Unlike genuine caring, which respects autonomy and encourages growth, caretaking can lead to imbalance by assuming responsibility for another's emotions and outcomes. This dynamic can create resentment and limit the growth of both partners, as it infantilizes one while overburdening the other. Acknowledging this shift from caring to caretaking is crucial for developing healthier relationship patterns.

Understanding the Dynamics of Caretaking in Relationships

21min

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Many of us are taught that taking care of the people we love is the ultimate expression of devotion. But when caring crosses the line into caretaking, it can quietly create deep imbalances in our relationships.

Caretaking often stems from anxiety, a need for control, or an old belief that love must be earned through over-functioning — anticipating needs, smoothing over discomfort, managing someone else's feelings or life for them. While it can look like love on the surface, it often leaves both partners stuck: one overextending, the other under-functioning, and both feeling disconnected.

In this episode, we explore:

The key differences between caring and caretaking
How caretaking can create resentment, imbalance, and emotional dependency
Why caretaking is often a hidden form of control
Signs you might be caught in a caretaking dynamic
How to shift towards healthier, more empowering ways of loving and relating

Building secure, connected relationships isn't about fixing or rescuing each other — it's about standing alongside each other, with enough trust to let each person take responsibility for themselves.

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