431. Love Doesn’t Assume... Love Asks, Love Listens And Love Responds

One of the fastest ways intimacy erodes in marriage is through assumption.

We assume our spouse knows what we need.
We assume they understand how we feel.
We assume love means they should just “get it.”

But marriage doesn’t work on mind-reading as we have talked about before, it works on communication.

When we assume things, we stop asking questions. And when we stop asking questions, we stop truly knowing our spouse. Over time, those assumptions turn into unmet expectations, and unmet expectations almost always lead to frustration, resentment, or emotional distance.

Dr. John Gottman, one of the leading marriage researchers, talks about “bids for connection” the small moments where one spouse reaches out for attention, affection, or understanding. When those bids are ignored, often because of assumptions, couples slowly drift apart. 

Assumptions also damage sexual intimacy. When one spouse assumes rejection, disinterest, or “now’s not a good time,” desire goes unspoken. Silence replaces vulnerability. And eventually, intimacy feels awkward or distant, not because love is gone, but because communication is.

In this episode, Nick and Amy talk about how making assumptions or assuming things in marriage can crate a lot of disconnect and conflict.

Healthy marriages don’t assume. They ask.
They clarify.
They check in.
They choose conversation over silence.

Because love isn’t proven by how well you guess, it’s proven by how well you listen.

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