The Allender Center Podcast

Revisiting “The Sex Talk You Never Got” with Sam Jolman

Apr 4, 2025

Sam Jolman revisits the profound themes of his book, exploring how the biblical story of Amnon and Tamar illuminates issues of lust, power, and the generational impacts of trauma. He challenges men to engage with their pasts honestly, advocating for healing through humility and storytelling. The conversation delves into emotional turmoil and the transformative power of literature, urging a deeper understanding of masculinity. Ultimately, it's a call to embrace a sexuality that honors and protects rather than harms.

53:03

Creator website

AI Summary

AI Chapters

Episode notes

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

The discussion emphasizes the impact of family legacies on male sexuality, encouraging men to confront their stories with honesty and healing.

Through the biblical narrative of Amnon and Tamar, the conversation reveals the destructive cycle of power and lust and the importance of addressing its roots.

Deep dives

Holistic Education for Meaningful Careers

The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology offers holistic training that integrates mind, body, and spirit, aiming to equip individuals with the skills necessary to engage with today's pressing societal issues. This graduate school focuses on community, inclusivity, and offers programs in counseling psychology, theology, and culture. Notably, the counseling program includes a unique concentration in narrative-focused trauma care, developed in collaboration with the Allender Center. Students can pursue their education either in Seattle or remotely, making these transformative programs accessible to a broader audience.

Intro

2min

Navigating Emotional Turmoil

4min

Navigating the Sex Talk Through Shared Stories

2min

Exploring the Tragic Dynamics of Power and Beauty in Biblical Narratives

4min

Lust, Power, and Healing

39min

Spring Renewal and the Power of Redemption

2min

Last year, we had a powerful conversation with author Sam Jolman about his book The Sex Talk You Never Got—one of our most-listened-to episodes of the year. Now, Sam returns to share more about the book’s impact and to dive deeper into its themes.

This time, he and Dan explore the biblical story of Amnon and Tamar in 2 Samuel 13, a tragic account of lust, power, and sexual violence that resonates deeply with age-old struggles of the human heart.

Sam unpacks how a man’s sexuality is shaped not only by personal choices but also by the unspoken legacies of family and culture. He challenges men to move beyond a simplistic “behaving vs. not behaving” mindset and instead engage their own stories with honesty, grief, and healing.

Their conversation also examines the cycle of violence—how Absalom’s attempt to avenge Tamar only leads to further destruction. True healing requires humility, repentance, and a willingness to confront painful histories.

This conversation is a call to courage: to name harm, seek healing, and embrace a sexuality that honors and protects rather than consumes and destroys.

Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual development and sexual abuse, including rape, and may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.

===

Are you ready to step into a deeper journey of healing? Recovery Week is a transformative, holistic experience designed to create a safe, relational space where survivors of sexual abuse can process their stories with care and courage. Here, you’ll be invited to engage the deep impact of your past while discovering a path toward restoration, connection, and self-compassion.

Applications are now open for our Summer 2025 Recovery Weeks.

Take the next step toward healing. Visit theallendercenter.org/recovery-week to learn more.