Finding Traction: Recovery from Porn

Ep. 179 - Marriage Hacks Pt. 3

11 snips
Sep 22, 2025
In this enlightening discussion, Vern explores the crucial link between marriage dynamics and recovery progress. He introduces concepts like emotional filters that can cloud communication and highlights the importance of recognizing bids for attention. The conversation dives into hidden expectations, childhood influences, and unfulfilled dreams that contribute to relationship gridlock. Vern encourages open dialogue about fears and stresses the benefits of therapy for surfacing these issues, ultimately guiding listeners to improve their marriages while on the path to recovery.
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INSIGHT

Marriage And Recovery Are Connected

  • Recovery and marriage are distinct but linked and influence each other in daily life.
  • Reducing marital stress can lower temptation for escape behaviors like porn use.
ADVICE

Name The Filter When You're Off

  • Recognize when you have an emotional "filter" on from a rough day and tell your partner about it.
  • Communicate the filter so your spouse can give allowances instead of taking things personally.
ADVICE

Turn Toward Bids For Connection

  • Notice and respond to your partner's bids for attention instead of turning them down.
  • Turn toward small bids (pause TV, ask questions) to prevent emotional withdrawal and parallel lives.
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