The Discipline Reframe Every Parent Needs: Teach Don’t Punish

If you’ve ever wondered why traditional discipline like timeouts, threats, punishments feel off or doesn’t actually work, this episode will change the way you see toddler behavior.

I’m joined by Devon Kuntzman, toddler expert and founder of Transforming Toddlerhood, to talk about how we can move from managing our kids’ behavior to teaching through it. We unpack why toddlers act out, how to handle power struggles without punishment, and how parents can stay calm (and human) in those messy moments. Devon shares her framework for effective discipline, the difference between natural and arbitrary consequences, and the long game of raising emotionally intelligent kids.

We discuss:

• Why toddlerhood isn’t “terrible”—it’s transformational and  what’s really happening in the toddler brain

• Why punishment feels effective short-term but harms long-term growth

• The 3 parts of effective discipline: connection, limits, and teaching skills

• How to pause before reacting when you’re triggered and the power of noticing positive behavior

• How to reframe “bad” behavior as communication

• The one question that can change how you discipline

To connect with Devon Kuntzman check out all her resources at https://www.transformingtoddlerhood.com/.  Follow her on Instagram at @transformingtoddlerhood. And purchase her brand new book “Transforming Toddlerhood” available now: https://urlgeni.us/amzn/TTBook

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00:00 – The mindset shift: Teach, don’t punish 01:10 – Welcome & introduction to Devon Kuntzman 02:30 – Why toddlerhood isn’t terrible—it’s teachable 05:00 – Understanding your toddler’s brain and behavior 07:40 – Behavior as communication: decoding what kids are telling us 09:00 – From control to connection: the real purpose of discipline 10:45 – The recipe for effective discipline (connection, limits, teaching) 13:20 – Natural vs. logical vs. arbitrary consequences 17:00 – Why quick fixes don’t work and the long game of discipline does 25:30 – How to pause, stay grounded, and model emotional regulation 29:15 – Dr. Mona’s “bubble hack” and real-life calm-down strategies 31:30 – Positive reinforcement: noticing the behavior you want to see 35:00 – The ultimate reframe: what skill does my child need to learn? 37:00 – You’re human, your child’s human—progress over perfection 38:00 – Closing reflections and where to find Devon’s book

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