Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families Why Kids Give Up Too Soon — And How to Stop It
Your child says, “I want to quit.” Soccer. Piano. Swimming. Art. Should you let them? There’s a magic confidence threshold in every skill - and most kids give up just before they reach it. In this episode, Dr Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack why kids quit, the role of motivation and relationships, and how to help them push through frustration without forcing them into misery. You’ll learn how to balance empathy with encouragement so your child develops grit, resilience, and the joy of mastery.
KEY POINTS
- Every skill has a “confidence threshold” — the point where hard work starts to feel rewarding.
- Kids often want to quit in the “valley” before reaching this threshold.
- Motivation matters: autonomy and relationships increase persistence.
- Plateaus in progress are normal and often occur right before breakthroughs.
- Distress tolerance is a life skill - avoiding discomfort robs kids of resilience-building experiences.
- Angela Duckworth’s “Don’t quit on a hard day” rule helps kids make decisions in a calm emotional state.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“When we rescue kids from every struggle, we rob them of the chance to discover they’re more resilient than they think.” – Dr Justin Coulson
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Angela Duckworth’s research on grit
- The Dunedin Study
- Dr Justin Coulson’s “Anti-Fragile” resilience keynotes
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Check the motivation – Was this activity your child’s choice or yours?
- Aim for the threshold – Encourage them to reach basic competence before deciding to quit.
- Build social connections – Support involvement where friendships are part of the activity.
- Talk about plateaus – Normalise slow progress and help them see it’s temporary.
- Adopt the “hard day” rule – No quitting right after a loss or tough session.
- Sit with discomfort – Model staying calm and present when challenges arise.
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