ERP 142: How To Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness

The demands of modern life keep us busy and pulled in many directions. It is easy to get swept away with schedules and tasks. We hope to be more productive and accomplish more. However, we sometimes expect too much of ourselves and our relationships.

To make matters worse, we often fall into the trap of thinking our relationships are self-sustaining. We believe that a good relationship just works and is easy. However, like with most things, relationships do not grow and flourish with little care and attention.

Additionally, when we are presented with a difficultly or challenge, we often try to avoid the pain. Yet, there can be tremendous value in learning to turn towards the pain and be with it.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, I am going to give you a little more description of mindfulness.

Description of mindfulness:

• "Mindfulness is a mental state, which is achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while very calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations." by Lode Dewulf

• Without focus, we are prone to going into autopilot, negative habitual thinking, distraction, and preoccupation.
• Mindfulness involves redirecting your focus and attention over and over again. At first, it will feel impossible.
• Jon Kabat Zinn calls it the monkey mind (see below).
• The goal with mindfulness is to train your mind.
• Jon Kabat-Zinn says mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment on purpose and without judgment.
• Mindfulness helps you experience your life more fully as it is happening, in each moment. You become more present, engaged and connected to what is happening.
• Mindfulness is a skill we can acquire.
• Mindfulness is always available
• Mindfulness is a way to calm ourselves down when distressed.
• Mindfulness increases our awareness of what we are experiencing and the space to decide how we want to act in any given situation. In the next episode, I will share How To Increase Relationship Satisfaction with Mindfulness. Stay tuned

MENTIONED: ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do about It (podcast) ERP 141: How To Decrease Relationship Pain and Suffering (podcast) The Value in Pain and the Pain in Value, by Lode Dewulf (TED Talk) Mindfulness with Jon Kabat-Zinn (video) Meditation Is Not What You Think: Mindfulness and Why It Is So Important (book)