S12: Mini Man-sode 47: Expressing Needs and Emotions as a Guy with Jeff Vanderstelt
Feb 2, 2024
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Jeff Vanderstelt, expert in expressing emotions and needs, joins JJ to discuss the importance of recognizing and validating feelings as a single guy, embracing neediness for growth and connection in relationships, and exploring emotions, needs, and intimacy with Jesus. They also touch on the impact of parental influence on emotional connections and the historical context of emotional health within the church.
Embracing vulnerability and expressing emotional needs is essential for true connection and understanding in relationships.
Cultivating emotional health is just as important as spiritual maturity, and embracing vulnerability deepens our relationship with God and others.
Deep dives
The Importance of Embracing Vulnerability and Emotional Needs
In this podcast episode, Jeff Vanderstelt discusses the significance of embracing vulnerability and emotional needs in relationships. He highlights the misconception that being strong and self-sufficient is desirable, while expressing needs is viewed as weak. Vanderstelt explains that emotions are indicators of our needs and that suppressing them hinders true connection and understanding. He emphasizes the importance of feeling our way to Jesus, allowing emotions to lead us to a deeper relationship with God and others. Vanderstelt encourages listeners to create safe spaces for open communication and vulnerability, where needs can be expressed and met without judgment or rejection.
The Cultural Factors Impacting Emotional Expression
Vanderstelt explores the cultural and generational factors that have influenced the suppression of emotions in society. He discusses the shift from a belief-centered mindset to a feeling-centered mindset, where expressing feelings is often misconstrued as weakness or irrationality. He also points out how the church has unintentionally contributed to this narrative by prioritizing spiritual maturity over emotional health. Vanderstelt challenges the notion that emotional vulnerability is incompatible with faith, emphasizing its importance in deepening our relationship with God and others.
Overcoming Barriers to Emotional Expression
Vanderstelt provides guidance for individuals who struggle with sharing their emotional needs and vulnerabilities. He advises seeking wisdom and learning from those who have experienced the pain and growth of emotional exploration. Vanderstelt emphasizes the importance of finding safe spaces and trusted individuals who can provide support and understanding. He encourages listeners to be present with others' emotions, validate their experiences, and refrain from attempting to fix or justify their feelings. Vanderstelt reminds us that true growth and connection occur when we embrace our weaknesses and bring them to Jesus and authentic relationships.
Leading with Vulnerability as Real Men
Vanderstelt challenges societal ideas of masculinity by redefining what it means to be a real man. He asserts that true strength lies in being honest about one's emotions and needs, rather than suppressing them. Vanderstelt encourages men to lead the way in embracing vulnerability, being aware of their emotions, and unapologetically making their needs known to both God and safe individuals. By doing so, he argues that men can cultivate healthier relationships, find deeper connection, and experience personal growth.
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