83 The Internal Dance of Healthy Grief

1. Join me for a deep exploration of the ways our parts process grief in healthy ways, the back-and-forth alternating between focusing on the loss and looking at restoration.  Guided by the work of IFS therapist and author Derek Scott and by using a dramatized example of loss with resulting grief, we will explore the internal interactions among our parts that lead to such a multifaceted experience of grief.  We also examine the two paths of grief that Catholics can choose.  
2. Lead-In
    
   1. Intro -- activation warning
       
      1. What you are about to hear is a fictional dramatization of a car accident and Brian Moreland's internal reactions -- the reactions of his parts - to that accident and its effects on him over time.  
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      1. Listen with care and prudence -- if you have unresolved trauma responses surround a car accident, please be thoughtful about whether or not to continue.
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   1. News Story:  [Insert News Intro music]:  
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And now out to James Fieldler, our roving KDTT reporter, coming to us live from the scene of a terrible accident earlier this evening, a really difficult story that we have been following for you.  James – what do you have for us?

[background traffic and rain and truck backing]  Terry, I am here just off the shoulder of I-94 Westbound, about  four miles west of Miles City, near mile marker 142.  Earlier this evening, an eastbound Ford pickup crossed the median into oncoming westbound traffic, striking a Honda Odyssey minivan at full speed and sending it careening through the guardrail, and rolling down this shallow embankment.  

In that minivan were a 37-year old man, a  33 year old woman, and four children ranging from about 9 to two years old.  From this angle, you can see how damaged this minivan was, nearly crushed as they are winching it up onto the wrecker.  Montana State police have just confirmed this was a fatal accident, that one of the children, about five years old has died of massive head injuries.  The man and two of the children have been airlifted to St. Alexius Trauma Center in Bismarck, no word on their condition right now. 

That is tragic, James.  What do we know about the others, James?

Terry, we have some good news, too.  The woman was able to walk away from the wreck.  EMTs used the jaws of life to break open the back of the van and rescue the other two children, who have also been transported by ambulance to Bismarck.  The  45-year old driver the pickup was shaken up and was taken to Holy Rosary Hospital in Miles City, apparently with minor injuries.  No one else was in the truck.  

What do we know about the cause?

The investigation is ongoing. As you can see, driving conditions were also difficult –  the rain coming down here.  There is some question about driver fatigue in the driver of the truck.  No word yet on any charges that might be filed, but it’s likely.  A source told me that the pickup driver’s license had been revoked for a second DUI.  There is no official word yet on whether alcohol or drugs were involved in this crash.  

Thank you, James, and we will continue to follow this story for you.  Our hearts and thoughts go out to all those involved in the crash, we wish them a rapid recovery.  Now on to Jeff Springer with sports, and the surprising finish to the Griz’s matchup with the Idaho State Bengals.  Jeff, tell us what happened at Washington-Grizzly stadium today in the rain? [Cut to Intro Music

1. Intro
    
   1. We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you.  
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   1. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you.  
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   1. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith.   
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   1. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com
5.  
   1. Today's episode, number 83 is entitled The Internal Dance of Healthy Grief and it's released on August 30, 2021
6.  
   1. Heard a reenacted story about Brian Moreland, and I’ll be bringing that story in throughout todays episode to add depth and examples to the concepts 
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8. Review: I encourage you to review the last episode, number 82 -- the many faces of grief inside us. 
   1. That episode goes over what happens to our parts when we experience grief?
   2. The experiences I'm about to describe are not the parts themselves. 
      1. Definition of a part --  Separate, independently operating personalities within us, each with own unique prominent needs, roles in our lives, emotions, body sensations, guiding beliefs and assumptions, typical thoughts, intentions, desires, attitudes, impulses, interpersonal style, and world view.  Each part also has an image of God and also its own understanding of self.  
      2. More than just one factor 
         1. More than just one emotion, more than just one desire or impulse 
         2. Rather -- a whole constellation of these qualities that endure over time, even if the part is not in conscious awareness in the moment.  
9. Adapted Dual Process Model of Bereavement
    
   1. Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut originally the DPM in 1999 Death Studies article called The dual process model of coping with bereavement: rationale and description
10.  
    1. Derek Scott -- IFS Therapist, author and expert on grief adapted this model in his article Grief and IFS: Mapping the Terrain -- check that out at his website ifsca.ca
        
       1. two clusters of parts, two groups of parts.  
          1. one focused the loss -- looking back to the past, looking at what happened.
          2. One cluster of parts focused on  -- looking toward restoration -- looking to the future, managing the demands of life now.  
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       1. Let's expand on these two clusters.  
          1. one cluster is oriented towards the loss -- those are the parts that IFS Therapist and Author Derek Scott introduced to us in the last episode.  
             1. Focus on experiencing grief
                 
                1. Managers
                    
                   1. Disbelief
                2.  
                   1. Numbness
                3.  
                   1. Sadness
                4.  
                   1. Guilt
                5.  
                   1. Spiritual Bypassing
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                1. Exiles
                    
                   1. Depression
                2.  
                   1. Missing/yearning
                3.  
                   1. Protest (anger)
                4.  
                   1. Guilt
                5.  
                   1. Powerlessness/despair/resignation.  
                6. 
                   
                   1. Shame
             3. 
                
          2. the other cluster towards restoration -- These are new parts.  
             1. dealing with the new complexities in life for the bereaved that are occasioned by the loss
             2. Readjusting to the new reality -- conforms to Elisabeth Kubler Ross' stage of acceptance and Colin Parkes' phase of reorganization and recovery
             3. Activities
                 
                1. ...