On Attachment

#183: How to Be a Better Partner

Apr 8, 2025

Explore the art of being a better partner by focusing on love, compassion, and curiosity. Discover how sitting with discomfort can transform relationships, and learn the value of listening without defensiveness. Embrace the difference between blame and honest self-reflection, while understanding how to love your partner in their preferred way. This journey emphasizes personal growth and taking ownership of your role in creating a nourishing connection.

22:19

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Quick takeaways

Learning to sit with discomfort allows partners to address relationship issues constructively, fostering a more supportive and grounded presence.

Genuine listening with curiosity, instead of defensiveness, strengthens communication and deepens connections between partners in relationships.

Deep dives

Embracing Discomfort in Relationships

Learning to sit with discomfort is essential for improving relationship dynamics. Many individuals instinctively avoid discomfort, which can lead to unhealthy patterns, either by fleeing from issues or trying to urgently fix them. By pausing and tolerating discomfort, partners can address problems more constructively instead of reacting impulsively due to insecurity or panic. This practice fosters a more grounded presence, enhancing one's ability to be a supportive partner.

Enhancing Partnership Skills: Six Tips for Better Relationships

22min

When we think about improving our relationships, we’re often focused on what isn’t working — what our partner could do differently, how we’re not getting our needs met, where communication is breaking down.

But in this episode, I want to invite a slightly different lens: what does it mean to be a better partner? Not from a place of self-sacrifice or perfectionism, but from a grounded, secure place. One that’s rooted in love, compassion, curiosity, and a willingness to show up with care.

In this episode, we explore:

Why our capacity to sit with discomfort can shape the tone of our relationships
What it really means to listen with curiosity, rather than defensiveness
How our own insecurities can make us self-focused without realising it
The importance of meaningful repair after conflict
The difference between blame and honest self-reflection
Why it matters to love your partner the way they receive love—not just how you like to give it

These aren’t tips to make yourself more palatable or easygoing. They’re invitations to grow, to connect more deeply, and to take ownership of your part in creating a secure and nourishing relational space.

Free Masterclass: Anxious-Avoidant Relationships

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