Is Domestic Labor Hurting your Friendships? An Interview with Laura Danger

One common reason women offer for why they don’t engage more in their friendships is because of a lack of time. For many of these women, the lack of time is due to their obligation to manage a busy household. They may have serious “mom guilt” or feel overwhelmed after tending to all of the familial duties that are unnecessarily placed on the women. Women in general, globally, are doing more domestic labor than their male counterparts and it continues to impact their capacity to fully engage in their female friendships.

In this episode, Laura Danger, equitable domestic labor educator, advocate & coach joins your friendship expert and educator, Danielle Bayard Jackson to recognize how much there is an imbalance of shared labor in the home and the ways in which women’s relationships are affected. You can learn more about her work on Instagram and TikTok. 

Danielle Social Links:

• You can book a private friendship coaching session here.

• Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event.

• We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today.

• To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024.

At first glance it may be confusing to make the connection between female friendships and equitable domestic labor (and fair partnership). But take into account that a majority of American households are still dealing with this imbalance. And in cis, hetero-partnerships, women are doing 2-3x more domestic labor on average. The toll this takes directly impacts the ways that women can engage in their friendships – whether it’s having the physical time, emotional availability or mental capacity to deepen new and existing friendships. So what do we do about it? If you’re partnered, a mother, single or childless, there is opportunity for conversation and compassion to have a more supportive domestic and social life.

Understand The System Despite what was told to little girls, research doesn't show women being more capable at nurturing or household duties than men. To change cultural norms, both genders must acknowledge inequity and address the issue, leveling the playing field in the home.

How It Impacts Our Female Friendships Research reveals that women’s friendships are more fragile than men's, breaking under perceived violations. One reason is women's higher household responsibilities, leaving less bandwidth for "elective" friendships. For many overworked women, friendships go first.

Resolutions Within Relationships Develop communication between partners for a standard of care each is capable of. Try Fair Play Method by Yves Brodksy – have clear expectations in domestic partnerships, avoid gatekeeping information, and create opportunities for sharing responsibility.

Resolutions Within Friendships A good conversation with friends helps. Encourage dialogue for support and empowerment. Remind friends that you're there for them and appreciate the relationship.

“Just because you’re capable, doesn’t make you obligated.” – Laura Danger

Reflect on limiting mindsets affecting female friendships and domestic partnerships. Danielle Bayard Jackson offers homework to understand mom-guilt and domestic labor imbalances. Share thoughts with Danielle on Instagram or at betterfemalefriendships.com.