Eileen Santos Rosete, a postpartum doula and grief educator, opens up about the often-overlooked topic of womb loss, advocating for the dignity and support that women deserve during this painful experience. She discusses the importance of respectful language, such as ‘womb loss,’ and emphasizes compassionate care within the medical system. Eileen also shares self-tending practices to navigate grief, the significance of rituals, and the transformative potential of community support, all while highlighting the deep emotional journey of healing following pregnancy loss.
Community gatherings play a crucial role in the grieving process for womb loss, creating a supportive environment that fosters connection and understanding among individuals sharing their experiences.
The shift from 'miscarriage' to 'womb loss' highlights the importance of respectful language, validating experiences and reducing the stigma and guilt often felt by those who have lost pregnancies.
Deep dives
The Role of Community in Grieving
Community plays a vital role in the grieving process for those who have experienced womb loss. Hosting gatherings brings together individuals to share their stories, creating a supportive environment that acknowledges their pain. These gatherings often include shared meals and rituals, such as lighting candles, which provide a meaningful way to honor each individual's loss collectively. Such events foster connection and understanding, offering participants a space to express their emotions and find solace in the shared experience of grieving.
Reframing Loss: From Miscarriage to Womb Loss
The terminology surrounding pregnancy loss significantly impacts how individuals perceive their experiences. The shift from the term 'miscarriage' to 'womb loss' emphasizes respect and validation for those who have lost pregnancies, helping to alleviate feelings of guilt associated with the prefix 'miss'. This new language fosters a more compassionate understanding of the profound emotional impact of these losses, rather than framing them as mistakes. The focus on womb loss also recognizes the intimate connection between the individual and their body, affirming the experience as one that deserves acknowledgment and reverence.
The Importance of Reverence in Healthcare Settings
Experiencing pregnancy or infant loss often comes with inadequate support from healthcare providers who may lack trauma-informed training. The call for a shift toward a more reverent approach in these settings highlights the need for sensitivity when delivering difficult news. Simple actions, such as allowing moments of silence, creating a calming atmosphere, and treating patients with compassion, can profoundly impact the grieving process. These practices not only validate the loss but also contribute to a healing environment where individuals feel genuinely cared for during their most vulnerable moments.
Self-Tending Practices for Healing
Self-tending practices offer essential support for individuals navigating the complex emotions of grief following womb loss. Incorporating gentle and accessible techniques, such as intentional breathing and body awareness, helps individuals establish a reconnection with their physical selves. These practices encourage mindfulness and self-compassion, allowing space for the expression of grief while promoting healing. Through such self-care rituals, individuals can learn to honor their bodies and emotions, ultimately integrating their experiences of loss into their lives in a meaningful way.
Millions of women experience the loss of a pregnancy every year. Yet too often these individuals are not afforded the same dignity, support, and reverence we extend to other people facing grief after the death of a loved one. “We, too, are postpartum after pregnancy and infant loss,” says grief educator and doula Eileen Santos Rosete. “And we deserve the same care all who give birth need.”
In this podcast, Tami Simon speaks with Eileen about her new book, To Tend and To Hold. Tune in to hear how this groundbreaking educator is helping initiate a cultural shift in our understanding and attitude toward this sensitive and largely misunderstood topic, as Tami and Eileen discuss: the term “womb loss” as a respectful alternative to “miscarriage”; releasing the guilt that is so prevalent during pregnancy loss; choosing more respectful language to describe women’s reproductive health; integrating grief- and trauma-sensitive care into our medical system; affording reverence to someone who is grieving; self-tending practices to support relaxation and healing; feeling at home in your body; connecting with the womb space; self-trust and honoring what is most meaningful to you; approaches to soften the acute pain of grief; the candle-lighting ritual; and more.
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