256. How to Host a Magical Gathering with Priya Parker
Nov 7, 2023
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Priya Parker teaches how to create new gathering rituals that forge truer, deeper relationships. Topics include the importance of meaningful gatherings, creating alternative gatherings, the significance of a specific purpose in hosting a gathering, being a good host, creating equalizing structures, the transformative power of hosting, and the importance of gathering and vulnerability.
Gatherings can create temporary alternative worlds and transform relationships by starting with specific needs or desires.
Specificity is key in creating impactful gatherings, helping set expectations and addressing specific needs for a meaningful and inclusive experience.
Structures and equalization are essential in successful gatherings, engaging participants, fostering deeper connections, and acknowledging diverse identities.
Deep dives
Creating Meaningful Gatherings
Gatherings have the power to create temporary alternative worlds and transform relationships. By starting with a specific need or desire, hosts can bring people together in a way that goes beyond traditional forms. For example, a group of friends started sharing their hard things while on walks, creating a space for vulnerability and support. Another couple wanted to co-parent differently, so they organized gatherings with specific structures and invited friends to share stories about parenting. Through thoughtful planning and clear intent, gatherings can shape culture, create meaningful connections, and change the future.
The Power of Specificity
Specificity is key in creating impactful gatherings. By defining a clear purpose, narrowing the guest list, or using coordinating mechanisms, hosts can shape the experience and make it inclusive. For instance, a worn-out mom created a gathering for other worn-out moms, using a name (Worn Out Moms Hootenanny) and implementing a rule (taking a shot if you talk about your children). Being specific helps set expectations and facilitates connection. Specificity also allows hosts to address specific needs, such as in a retirement party where personal stories were shared to honor the retiree's contributions.
The Role of Structure and Equalization
Structures and equalization are essential aspects of successful gatherings. They can create a balanced space where everyone's voice is heard, preventing one or a few dominant individuals from monopolizing the conversation. Finding meaningful structures, such as photo sharing or storytelling, can engage participants and foster deeper connections. Equalization ensures that everyone feels included and valued. By intentionally designing structures that promote equality and honor diverse identities, hosts can create gatherings where identities are acknowledged, connections are formed, and relationships thrive.
The power of a specific and disputable purpose
Having a specific and disputable purpose for a gathering helps create an invisible infrastructure, setting temporary rules and boundaries for the event. This allows coordination and brings a sense of energy and fun to the gathering. It also helps shift societal norms and opens up conversations that wouldn't typically happen. By clarifying the purpose, hosts can make decisions about who to include and exclude, creating a more meaningful and transformative experience for participants.
Generous exclusion and the role of the host
Generous exclusion is an important concept in gathering. It involves making intentional choices about who to invite and ensuring that the purpose of the gathering is protected. This means using one's authority as a host to connect guests, protect them from uncomfortable situations, and create a sense of equality among participants. A good host practices generous authority by setting the tone, enforcing temporary rules, and fostering vulnerability among guests. This approach allows for deeper connections and meaningful conversations during the gathering.
Priya Parker is here to discuss what Glennon called “the most important thing in the world” – connection – and how to make our time with other people have more of it. She teaches us:
How – whether it’s a wedding or a retirement party – you can create new gathering rituals that forge truer, deeper relationships;
Why the outcome of every gathering is decided before anyone steps in the room; and
Why so many of us hate parties – and what to do about it.
Priya Parker is a conflict facilitator, strategic advisor, international speaker, and acclaimed author of The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters and host of the podcast TOGETHER APART. She is the creator and host of The Art of Gathering digital course, about how to make meaning with and for our people. She lives in Brooklyn, New York with her husband and two children.
