It's understandable that many of us would want to take positive actions to be an effective leader. While positive steps are important, our experience has been that first stopping the things that aren't working will get you faster results. In this week's show, we look at what you should stop saying to the people you lead. Community Feedback USA: (949) 38-LEARN Global: +1 (949) 385-3276 Twitter: @DaveStachowiak #CFLshow feedback@coachingforleaders.com What is said: "I don't mean to be xxxxx, but..." What you teach people: I likely am whatever I just said that I don't mean to be What is said: "But..." What you teach people: Ignore everything I said before I said the word "but" What is said: "Well, to be honest with you..." What you teach people: I'm not always honest all of the time What is said: "You made me feel..." What you teach people: Confusion, since nobody can make you feel anything What is said: Anger expressed at someone bringing bad news, even if they didn't cause it What you teach people: Don't ever bring me bad news What is said: I'm going to be the devil's advocate here... What you teach people: I either like arguing for the sake of arguing or I'm not willing to own my opinions What is said: Giving your own opinion after asking someone for feedback What you teach people: You don't really care about what they think Bonni also mentioned the 6 Thinking Hats as a model for more effective dialogue Community Feedback USA: (949) 38-LEARN Global: +1 (949) 385-3276 Twitter: @DaveStachowiak #CFLshow feedback@coachingforleaders.com One of our listeners asked, "When someone who has authority over me lashes out…what should I do?" We discuss some options. We also spend a few minutes discussing the incident in Connecticut this past week and implications for leaders. One Coaching for Leaders article is showing up weekly in your inbox - stay connected with the show mid-week and keep getting ideas and tools that will keep you moving forward. If you're not already receiving the weekly articles, you can subscribe at this link. Wherever you are in the world, whatever is on your agenda today, take one idea from this show to engage and develop someone you lead.