Episode 99: Who Should Pay On The First Date?

Jun 7, 2022

Join Dr. David Frederick, an Associate Professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University, as he dives into the intriguing dynamics of dating and payment. He explores who typically foots the bill on first dates, revealing the impact of traditional roles compared to modern expectations. David discusses how willing women are to pay, men's feelings about this, and what these financial exchanges imply about dating and sexual norms. Expect insights into cultural origins of payment expectations and tips for navigating the tricky financial waters of dating.

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INSIGHT

Men Usually Pay Early Dates

Most men still pay the majority of expenses on early dates despite changing gender norms.
Around a quarter of couples share expenses from the start, showing growing variability.

INSIGHT

Women Offer, Men Confused

Most women offer to pay on a first date, but are split on whether they want their offer accepted.
This creates confusion for men who don't know whether to accept or decline the offer.

INSIGHT

Payment Sex Expectation Complex

About 16% of men expect sex in return for paying on a date, but most men reject this notion.
Some women feel pressured to have sex if their date pays, with feeling increasing in older women.

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When you go out on a date with someone, who should pay for it? When two people of the same sex or gender go out, they’ll often split the bill—but when it’s a man and a woman, more often than not, the man pays. So there’s still a lot of chivalry present in dating between men and women, despite the fact that we have increasingly moved away from traditional gender roles and norms in many ways. So what’s up with that? How do men and women really feel about this issue? And how can be better navigate financial issues and dating?

For today’s episode, Dr. David Frederick returns. David was a previous guest on Episode 97 (Keeping Passion Alive in Long-Term Relationships). He is an Associate professor of Health Psychology at Chapman University in Southern California, and has taught more than 70 courses on human sexuality and gender. In this show, we explore some of David’s research on money and dating in the context of men and women going out together. Some of the questions we get into include:

When men and women go out on a date, who usually pays? And how do things change the longer they date each other?
How often do women offer to pay when they go out with a man? How do they feel if their date refuses the offer?
How do men feel about women paying for dates?
Do people feel that paying for dates and sexual activity are linked in any way?
Where does this expectation that men should pay on the first date come from? Is it cultural? Evolutionary?
Is there a better way to navigate this fraught issue?

To learn more about David, check out his website here and visit his Google Scholar page here for more information on his research.

Thanks to the Kinsey Institute (kinseyinstitute.org) for sponsoring this episode!

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Credits: LEGIT Audio (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.