The Daily Dad

You Are Different Now

Feb 27, 2024

02:53

Snipd AI

Exploring the conflict between writing and parenting, the podcast touches on the transformative nature of parenthood, highlighting the shift towards valuing connections and presence over individual success.

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Quick takeaways

Parenthood redefines happiness as found in genuine connections with loved ones, not material achievements.

Raising children prompts a shift towards valuing shared moments over external markers of success.

Deep dives

Reevaluation of Values Through Parenting

Parenting challenges the typical pursuits and ambitions of individuals, prompting a profound reevaluation of their values. Stephen Marsh describes how parenthood alters one's perception of meaning, highlighting the shift from material achievements to cherishing moments with loved ones. The responsibilities and time constraints of parenting lead to a newfound appreciation for the simplicity and presence found in everyday interactions. This transformation fosters a realization that happiness lies not in accomplishments but in genuine connections with family, offering a sense of fulfillment and a lasting source of joy.

The Transformation of Parenthood and Values

3min

There’s even an expression (one we’ve rebutted before) about how a stroller in the hall is the enemy of great art. Parenting comes with so many obligations, so many stresses—it is so all-consuming, it can’t help but be a distraction. But the writer Stephen Marche (who has an amazing little book on writing), once explained that “Being a writer and being a parent, I have found, are in conflict but not for the reasons most believe—the loss of time, the sleeplessness, the responsibility for another life, the fixedness in place, the need to make money to support them. Having children, like losing your virginity, changes the nature of meaning.”

You have seen something, finally gotten something that people tried to tell you but you just couldn’t understand. Happiness is not in achievement, it’s not in stuff, it’s in people—specifically, it’s with these people. It’s in the stillness. The presence is the present, the gift that never gets old. And once you get this, you can still succeed and achieve, to be sure, but you can never go back to how you were before.

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