Feeling lonely in your 20s is normal and not indicative of a personal failure, as it is a natural and valuable instinct for humans and other species.
Significant life transitions and changes in friendships contribute to loneliness in your 20s, and embracing solitude can lead to personal growth and self-discovery.
Deep dives
The Psychology of Loneliness in Our 20s
In this episode, the speaker explores the feelings of loneliness that are common during our 20s. They discuss the societal pressure to have a large social network and the romanticized depictions of close friendship groups in popular media. The speaker emphasizes that feeling lonely in our 20s is normal and not indicative of a personal failure. Loneliness is described as a biological and emotional reaction that is more related to our internal experiences and perception of the world. The speaker also highlights the role of significant life transitions, such as leaving the security of school, moving away from family, and changes in friendships, in triggering feelings of loneliness. They encourage embracing solitude and using it as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery.
The Evolutionary Basis of Loneliness
The speaker discusses the evolutionary basis of loneliness, highlighting that our survival as prehistoric humans depended on being part of a tribal network or group. Loneliness is explained as a neural mechanism drawing us back into the protection of a group. The speaker mentions that loneliness is similar to biological cues for hunger and thirst, reminding us to reconnect with others for our survival. They debunk the idea that loneliness is a defect or an emotional fault, emphasizing that it is a natural and valuable instinct. The speaker also mentions that feeling lonely is not limited to humans, as other species like elephants and great apes also experience loneliness.
The Challenges of Loneliness in Our 20s
The speaker discusses the situational and environmental factors that contribute to loneliness in our 20s. They mention the significant life transitions and changes that occur, such as leaving the security of school, moving away from family, and adjusting to new environments. The speaker highlights that young adults between the ages of 18 and 29 are three times more likely to feel lonely compared to older age groups. They discuss the challenges of finding time for social interactions amidst work obligations and changing priorities. The speaker also mentions the impact of friends entering new chapters or following different timelines, leading to a sense of disconnection and growing apart.
Embracing Loneliness and Its Benefits
The speaker encourages embracing loneliness as it can provide valuable benefits. They discuss the importance of spending time alone to develop a better understanding of ourselves, increase productivity, and stimulate creativity. Solitude is described as an opportunity for personal growth, independence, and building mental strength. The speaker emphasizes the need to reassess the value of close relationships and prioritize quality over quantity. They suggest practicing self-care activities that promote self-reliance and scheduling enjoyable activities with friends. The speaker concludes by asserting that embracing loneliness and seeing it as a natural part of life can lead to greater self-acceptance, growth, and fulfillment.
This week we break down the psychological, biological and evolutionary underpinnings of loneliness and break down some of the stigma around feeling lonely in your 20's. This decade is full of a number of significant life transitions and changes that can lead us to feel isolated and detached, but loneliness sometimes get's a bad wrap. We explore how we can cultivate a better relationship with loneliness by understanding the instinctual urges behind this feeling, embracing solitude and reframing the narrative around exactly how common it is to feel lonely in your 20's. Listen now!