How To Be a Terrible Daughter 023: The Fine Art of the Fauxpology
In this episode, we wade into the wild, destabilizing landscape of apology and repair, where narcissistic "I'm sorrys" are really emotional trapdoors painted to look like compassion, and healthy accountability actually feels like oxygen. Megan and Elizabeth pull apart the difference between a conversation that brings clarity and one that leaves you wondering if you hallucinated the entire conflict. Along the way, they unpack the subtle ways a narcissistic parent can flip the script, distort the narrative, or imply that your hurt is evidence of your own instability, rather than a completely normal reaction to emotional impact.
We also explore what genuine repair looks like in a secure relationship, the kind built on curiosity instead of defensiveness and connection instead of theatrics. There is talk of intent and impact, of what your body knows before your brain catches up, and of how childhood emotional unsafety imprints itself as a physiological threat. And then, because life with a narcissistic parent never stops serving chaos, two new Crazy Mom-Off entries arrive (including one listener submitted story!) to remind you that even the most jaw-droppingly unhinged stories can still be met with humor, solidarity, and the kind of deadpan side-eye reserved for generational chaos.
To close things out, we offer a few grounding tools for anyone navigating the emotional ricochet of old patterns. Think intentional space for processing and one surprisingly effective strategy for letting go of the anger that hits you after the fact. If you've ever walked away from a "repair" feeling more confused than when you started, this one is your homecoming.
Thank you for joining us here for another season of the podcast! If you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube or your favorite podcast app to make sure you get new episodes as soon as they drop. Unlike the narcissist in your life, we'd love to hear your stories and how they affected you. Email us or DM us on Instagram, @terribledaughterpod or at H2Bterrible@gmail.com!
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What We Cover In This Episode:
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Real-life examples of what narcissistic apology and repair looks like, contrasted with healthy, securely attached relationship dynamics [2:19]
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Why phrases like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or overly dramatic responses are not genuine apologies but rather defensive tactics [5:01]
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Watch out! How narcissistic parents use gaslighting and projection to convince you that expressing hurt is a sign of your own mental illness or distorted thinking [8:22]
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Understanding that emotionally unsafe situations for a child are neurologically perceived as the same as physically life-threatening danger [20:12]
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How healthy repair involves curiosity, active listening, and the willingness to prioritize the relationship over proving one's own point of view [24:25]
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The key difference between intent and impact in a conversation and why this is so important to be aware of [28:03]
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What the final feeling after a healthy repair will, and won't, be [32:50]
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Two more Crazy Mom-Offs that will knock your socks off, including a "fishy" story and something that will have you looking at birthday cake in a completely different way [36:38]
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Our helpful tools for the week: we cover the need to carve out intentional time for therapy and provide a helpful strategy for releasing anger after the triggering situation has occurred [55:55]
Links & Resources:
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