Giving and Receiving Feedback with Special Guest Dale Rubury

Do you need feedback? Of course you do. We all do! But giving and receiving feedback whether it's from or to your child or co-parent can be challenging. Feedback can often feel like criticism and can even feel invalidating. This episode is all about giving and receiving feedback skillfully so that you or the other person doesn’t become defensive or shut down. Today’s episode welcomes back Leslie’s daughter Dale Rubury who shares how she moved from the defensive stance as a child to the open and willing stance as an adult.  

Time Stamps:

• 3:18 Feedback is part of communication in all kinds of relationship
• 3:55 Defining Feedback as nonjudgmental information about their behavior that is intended to help someone grow
• 7:49 Why is feedback so important 
• 9:00 The person receiving feedback has complete power over HOW they receive it
• 9:07 What is RODBT? Radically Open Dialectic Behavior Therapy Fact Sheet
• 12:55 The faith of parenting means you believe that the child heard you
• 16:18 Why some kids have more difficulty getting feedback than others
• 19:05 In public some kids will receive feedback differently than when they are at home. It may be known as masking (click here for more information)
• 21:18 Notice and name their reaction
• 21:25 "Did i just say something was invalidating to you"
• 22:20 Watch out when the child gives feedback to you the parent
• 23:30 It’s the parent’s job to model receiving feedback for the child
• 24:33 Give kids time and space to learn to accept feedback
• 27:40 “Is this a good time to give you feedback?”
• 33:03 Use the metaphor of a buffet
• 37:49 Tips on receiving feedback
• 38:34 Recovering from invalidation
• 40:19 Not everything has to be processed, sometimes it’s healthier to let some things go

Resources:  

• Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast
• Radically Open DBT Fact Sheet
• Leslie’s Video:  Stop Repeating Yourself
• Leslie’s Newsletter on I-Must-Have-Done-Something-Wrong Street

Leslie-ism: Growing as a parent is about being open to new ideas, open to learning, and open to feedback.

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook,  Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special