Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

ERP 408: How To Repattern A People Pleasing Tendency — An Interview With Dr. Dana McNeil

Jan 23, 2024

54:32

Many people struggle with establishing boundaries in their close relationships due to a tendency to people-please at the expense of their own needs. This challenge often stems from early relational dynamics in childhood, leading individuals to prioritize the needs and desires of those around them over their own well-being. Worrying about disappointing or upsetting others can make it difficult to assert one’s boundaries, as well as to engage in topics of conversation where there is conflict or disagreement.

In this episode, we explore the pervasive impact of people-pleasing behaviors on the relationship. Dr. Dana McNeil and Dr. Jessica Higgins offer actionable guidance for overcoming this challenge by addressing how to; recognize people-pleasing behaviors, understand the importance of boundaries, effectively communicate needs to partners, and negotiate differences in a way that fosters greater intimacy and understanding between partners. The discussion provides practical exercises and examples that can help listeners develop healthier relationship patterns centered around mutual care, respect, and fulfillment for both individuals.

Dr. Dana McNeil is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of The Relationship Place, a group practice located in her hometown, San Diego, California. Dr. Dana’s practice specializes in relationship therapy and utilizes an evidence-based type of couples therapy known as the Gottman Method. Dr. Dana is a certified Gottman Method therapist and Doctor of Psychology. She also leads training at the Gottman Institute to help clinicians master the art of couples therapy.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:10 Dr. Dana McNeil’s journey to therapeutic practice.

13:30 People-pleasing: Highlighting the challenges it poses in expressing needs and setting healthy boundaries.

20:25 Practical ways to identify and communicate personal needs, especially for individuals struggling with people-pleasing tendencies.

26:48 Building stronger relationships through open communication and honesty.

32:55 Setting boundaries, embracing vulnerability, and overcoming people-pleasing.

39:40 Embracing differences and talking through challenges.

Mentioned

D-Spot Conversations: Navigating Today’s Complicated Relationships (download link)

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Hendricks Institute

The Gottman Institute