#1204 - Taking the Ride, Not the Wheel: The Secret to Better Listening

• Your brain is like a monkey—constantly jumping around, thinking of what to say next, and rarely focused on what others are sharing. Learning to shut up and truly listen, especially during those key moments when your child is trying to tell you something important, is perhaps life's most difficult skill. This preview of Saturday's full interview with Ross Judd reveals why listening is so challenging and how three simple steps can transform your connections with those you love.

Quote of the Episode:

"When we engage, the actual main thing to do here is actually to do nothing. We're not having to fix a problem. We're not having to find solutions. What we actually need to do is to be quiet." - Kylie Coulson

Key Points:

• Don't try to actively listen every minute of every day—it's exhausting and unrealistic.
• Look for clues that indicate someone really needs to talk (unusual behaviour or emotional signals).
• When these important moments occur, engage fully by staying quiet and using neutral phrases like "tell me more".
• Summarise what the person has said to show you've understood.
• Our brains typically prepare to talk rather than truly listen to others.
• Most conversations are like showing "trinkets" from our respective bookshelves rather than truly exploring others' experiences.
• Staying present while listening is incredibly difficult because our "monkey mind" constantly chatters.
• Not offering solutions actually communicates trust that the person has the answers within themselves.
• We typically listen through our own life experiences, which interrupts the other person's thought process.
• Effective listening is a "practice in stillness"—something most humans struggle with

Resources Mentioned:

• 'Listening: A Guide to Building Deeper Connections' by Ross Judd
• '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' by Stephen Covey
• 'The Emotional Lives of Teenagers' by Lisa D'Amour
• Marco Polo app (mentioned as a tool for asynchronous communication)
• Happy Families website

Action Steps for Parents:

1. Watch for unusual behaviour or emotional signals that indicate your child needs a deeper conversation.
2. When those moments occur, stay quiet and use neutral phrases like "tell me more" rather than offering solutions.
3. Practice summarizsing what your child says to show you've understood and to quiet your own "monkey mind".
4. Remember that by not offering immediate solutions, you're showing confidence in your child's ability to find answers.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.