SLO MO REWIND: Alain de Botton on How to Keep Your Partner Happy
Nov 18, 2023
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Alain de Botton, philosopher and writer, discusses love, vulnerability, imperfection, therapy, the taboo of sex in emerging markets, and the connection between God and human nature in this captivating podcast.
Love involves vulnerability and acceptance of imperfection, allowing two souls to meet and understand each other.
Romantic love can hinder deeper connections by emphasizing exclusivity, possession, and unrealistic expectations.
Cultivating self-love and embracing vulnerability contributes to healthier relationships and a sense of authenticity.
Deep dives
Love as a deep connection to another human being
Love is described as a form of deep connection to another human being, where two souls meet and understand and sympathize with each other. Love involves vulnerability and the ability to show oneself as they truly are, both in their joys and fears. It is a relief from loneliness and isolation, and it requires risk and the acceptance of imperfection.
The limitations of romantic love
Romantic love is seen as a narrow and often unrealistic script that hinders deeper connections. It places undue emphasis on exclusivity, possession, and unrealistic expectations. Authentic love involves acceptance, honesty, and understanding, and it goes beyond traditional notions of romance. It requires the courage to be oneself and allow space for growth and acceptance in a relationship.
The importance of self-love and acceptance
Self-love is described as the connection to one's deep self and the acceptance of one's imperfections. It involves acknowledging and embracing one's vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and complexities. Cultivating self-love is a lifelong journey that contributes to healthier relationships and a sense of authenticity. It also involves recognizing the inherent goodness in oneself.
The challenge of societal expectations
Societal pressures and narratives around love can lead to unrealistic expectations and unnecessary suffering. The notion of finding one perfect soulmate and adhering to romantic scripts can limit exploration, growth, and the ability to connect with others. Challenging societal norms and fostering a broader understanding of connection and acceptance can lead to more genuine and fulfilling relationships.
The role of humor and treating each other like children
Humor and treating each other with love and kindness, even in moments of conflict or imperfection, are crucial in maintaining strong and healthy relationships. Embracing the paradoxes and complexities of human nature and bringing a loving parent's perspective to our partners can foster connection and acceptance. By recognizing our shared vulnerability and approaching our relationships with humor and understanding, we can navigate challenges and grow together.
Continuing our love and relationships series, we revisit my chat with the incredible Alain de Botton. One of the most listened episodes on Slo Mo, I and the British-Swiss philosopher, Alain de Botton, dive deep into one of my favorite topics: Love. Alain de Botton is a philosopher and writer of essayistic books that have been described as a "philosophy of everyday life." He’s written on love, travel, architecture and literature. His books have been bestsellers in 30 countries and have s...
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