Explore the transformative period of middle age and the reasons behind men's midlife crisis. Discuss the impact of women's cycles and the realization of mortality. Delve into the pillars of midlife crisis and challenge societal expectations. Learn about finding fulfillment through new hobbies and activities.
The midlife crisis is a transformative period in a man's life that should be seen as an opportunity for personal growth and shedding old patterns.
Men experience a midlife crisis due to a delayed realization of mortality and the need to reassess their lives, triggered by the confrontation with the possibility of death.
Deep dives
The Middle Passage of Life
The middle passage of life, also known as the midlife crisis, is a time of awakening and shedding of old patterns and limitations that can lead to personal growth and transformation. It is important to understand that this phase is not necessarily a crisis, but an opportunity for growth. Carl Jung famously said that life really begins at 40, implying that the middle passage is a pivotal period in one's life.
Why Men Experience Midlife Crisis
Men are more prone to experiencing a midlife crisis due to their different experience of time compared to women. Women have clear cycles, such as menstruation and menopause, that constantly remind them of the passage of time and the limited window for certain life events. In contrast, men can go through life without a sudden interruption, leading to a delayed realization of mortality and the need to reassess their lives. The confrontation with the possibility of death often triggers a midlife crisis.
Contributing Factors to Midlife Crisis
Three major contributing factors to a midlife crisis are: 1) Pleasing Syndrome/Nice Guy Syndrome, where men seek external validation and place their worth in others' opinions. This can create immense pressure and eventually lead to a collapse or radical life changes. Men should focus on internal validation and recognizing their own worth. 2) Fear of their own depths, men crave a deeper sense of meaning, connection, and contribution as they enter the middle passage. Exploring and deepening various aspects of life, skills, and relationships can address this need. 3) Collapse of the illusion that right action always leads to the desired outcome. Men often follow societal expectations and do what is considered "right," only to realize that life doesn't always align with their efforts. Accepting the uncontrollable nature of life and continuing to pursue personal goals and values is crucial.
I've worked with legions of middle-aged men. As of 2023, I'm one of them. It got me wondering why so many of us radically change (or catastrophically implode) our lives in our 40s and 50s. Here's what I've seen, where I think it comes from, and where to begin ensuring it doesn't happen to you.
(00:00:00) - Intro and why I call it the “middle passage” (00:02:52) - The biggest reason men go through a midlife “crisis” (00:06:59) - Pleasing Syndrome, and how to fix it (00:10:26) - Fear of our own depths (00:13:29) - The collapse of the illusion that right action leads to right outcome (00:17:34) - What do you actually do with this info?