441 - Multiamory Presents: The Art of Boundaries (Dedeker's Interview on Help Existing)
Sep 26, 2023
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Dedeker shares insights on the art of boundaries and effective communication in relationships. Topics include identifying boundaries, navigating changes, and applying strategies in different relationships. The podcast also explores practical considerations for insurance coverage in therapy and the importance of setting boundaries while preserving relationships.
Setting clear boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy dynamics in non-monogamous relationships.
Communicating and enforcing boundaries require compassion, clear communication, and self-reflection in all types of relationships.
Recognizing and respecting each other's boundaries fosters collaboration and transforms relationships, promoting personal growth and co-creation of dynamics.
Deep dives
Boundaries in Non-Monogamous Relationships
The podcast episode discusses the importance of setting boundaries in non-monogamous relationships. The host, Detaker, shares their experience working with clients who struggle with relationship issues despite having knowledge about non-monogamy. Detaker emphasizes the need for clear boundaries and introduces their online course, based on Gottman Institute research, aimed at helping individuals build a solid foundation for non-monogamous relationships. The course provides exercises, journal prompts, and discussion questions to facilitate communication and understanding between partners.
Understanding and Communicating Boundaries
The episode features an interview with Rachel Krantz, the author of Open, an uncensored memoir of love, liberation, and non-monogamy. The interview focuses on the topic of boundaries and explores how to define, communicate, and enforce them in various types of relationships, including familial and romantic connections. Dedeker shares insights on distinguishing boundaries from rules and highlights the importance of self-respect when setting boundaries. The conversation emphasizes the need for compassion, clear communication, and self-reflection when addressing boundaries.
Challenges and Complexities in Boundary Setting
The interview delves deeper into the complexities of establishing boundaries and the challenges that may arise when enforcing them. Dedeker and Rachel discuss the potential conflicts that can emerge when boundaries are not respected and examine the concept of boundary negotiation in relationships. Dedeker shares personal examples of boundary-setting, including the struggle to maintain boundaries while still hoping for changes in the other person's behavior. The conversation highlights the importance of self-care, self-awareness, and seeking support when navigating the complexities of boundaries.
Importance of Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Setting boundaries in relationships is crucial for maintaining healthy dynamics and promoting personal growth. It is common for individuals, especially parents, to critique and feel triggered by others' boundaries, perceiving them as a desire for control in the relationship. However, understanding and respecting each other's boundaries can foster collaboration and transform relationships. Collaborative energy allows people to co-create their relationships and negotiate their needs and wants. While there may be situations where strict boundaries are necessary, finding a balance between protection and collaboration is essential for healthy parent-child relationships and other connections.
Exploring Boundaries and Self-Awareness
Developing self-awareness and understanding one's own values is a crucial step towards establishing effective boundaries. Reflecting on moments of pride, happiness, and fulfillment can offer insights into personal values and the positive aspects desired in relationships. Evaluating experiences where boundaries have been violated or not enforced can guide the creation of boundaries that protect and align with individual needs and values. The Self Acronym (Search, Evaluate, Live it, Follow through) provides a framework for implementing and maintaining boundaries in everyday life. It is important to regularly reassess boundaries and adapt them as relationships evolve and personal growth occurs.
This week we're highlighting an interview Dedeker did on Rachel Krantz's show, Help Existing. Rachel is also the author of Open: An Uncensored Memoir of Love, Liberation, and Non-Monogamy. Rachel and Dedeker have a great conversation about boundaries, covering topics like, How do you figure out what your boundaries are? How should you go about communicating boundaries in a way that is both firm and compassionate? How can you remain flexible and open to change without having porous boundaries? Do the same strategies apply to both familial and romantic relationships?
Make sure you check out more of Rachel's show!
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Multiamory was created by Dedeker Winston, Jase Lindgren, and Emily Matlack. Our theme music is Forms I Know I Did by Josh and Anand. Follow us on Instagram @Multiamory_Podcast and visit our website Multiamory.com.