Kathryn Part 2 of 5: When Your Teen Says "You Don't Understand Me"

This is part two in the five part series with Kathryn.  As we heard in the first part of this series, Kathryn’s 17 year old daughter Bridgette is making decisions around sex, drugs, and alcohol that deeply concern her mother. Karthyn is frustrated, fearful, overwhelmed, and unsure how to best parent her daughter. In this episode Kathryn shares her experience of putting “the curious alien” technique into practice.  As many parents experience, the advice from the so-called experts sounded great on paper but when put into practice, she found that it didn’t have the immediate impact: her daughter still shut down.  Since this is so frustrating for parents, in this session Leslie and Kathryn learn to have the difficult but necessary conversations with her daughter through role-playing.  Role playing the curious alien showed her how to talk to her daughter in a way that will lead to mutual respect, connection and honesty.  

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community.

Time stamps:

6:37 Role playing The Curious Alien - Take 1

8:07 Planting a seed. Being patient with skills you implement knowing that they may take time to see results.

9:00 Role playingThe Curious Alien -Take 2

21:05 Recognizing “whose problem is it” so that we don’t personalize the issue and become defensive. 

22:42 Using validation and questions, rather than accusatory statements, to make “Curious Alien” strategy more effective. Curious Alien should be a validating tool and create connection.

Leslie-ism: In order to connect with your child, practice being a curious alien.

Show Note Links:
Handout on Whose Problem Is It? when you are trying to solve a problem with your child

Resources:

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults  or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. 

• National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763)
• National Substance Abuse Hotline 866-210-1303
• Substance abuse and mental health administration 1-800-662-HELP  (4357)
• National Alliance of Mental Illness 212-684-3264

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie

Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.