In the Absence of the Ordinary: A Conversation With Francis Weller
Jun 11, 2020
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Francis Weller, a psychotherapist and soul-activist, shares profound insights on grief and healing. He discusses the concept of Rough Initiation, suggesting that we navigate our overwhelm through self-compassion and embracing beauty. Weller emphasizes the importance of transforming sorrow into something healing for individuals and communities. He reflects on the loneliness of trauma, advocating for a healthy relationship with grief. Furthermore, he explores the spiritual practices that foster deeper connections within ourselves and with others during challenging times.
Francis Weller emphasizes that true initiation involves embracing significant life changes and contributing to community rather than personal advancement.
Acknowledging and befriending sorrow can transform grief into wisdom, fostering resilience and deeper connections within the community.
Deep dives
The Role of Initiation in Personal Growth
Initiation is a profound process that involves significant life changes, traditionally marked by three key consequences: a radical severance from the known world, a shift in identity, and an inability to return to one's previous state. This perspective challenges the common Western approach, which often focuses on the goal of returning to a pre-crisis state. Instead, it emphasizes that true initiation is about beginning anew and contributing to the community rather than seeking personal advancement. The conversation underlines how navigating through crises—like the current global pandemic—can serve as an initiatory experience, encouraging deeper participation in the shared human experience.
Befriending Sorrow and Grief
Acknowledging and befriending sorrow rather than avoiding it is crucial during challenging times, including moments of trauma and loss. The concept of apprenticeship with sorrow suggests a need for a sustained relationship with difficult emotions, avoiding the extremes of either drowning in grief or detaching from it. Engaging with grief allows individuals to transform their experiences into wisdom that can benefit not only themselves but also the wider community. This approach fosters a sense of connection and reaffirms that collective suffering can lead to shared healing and understanding.
Self-Compassion and Patience as Tools for Resilience
Practicing self-compassion is essential in navigating personal challenges and embracing all parts of oneself, including perceived weaknesses and failures. This practice encourages individuals to stop measuring their worth against societal progress and instead accept their current state as a part of the human experience. Coupled with self-compassion, patience emerges as an indispensable virtue, allowing space for feelings and experiences to unfold naturally without the pressure to rush toward resolution. Together, these qualities cultivate resilience and the ability to face the uncertainties of life with greater awareness and grace.
Finding Beauty in the Darkness
Embracing the beauty in life, especially during difficult times, is presented as an essential practice for maintaining connection and engagement with the world. This perspective encourages individuals to seek out beauty as a counterbalance to chaos and distress, suggesting that aesthetic experiences can reinvigorate one’s sense of purpose and belonging. Moreover, acknowledging the dual nature of existence—where darkness can lead to transformation and renewal—is framed as an essential part of embracing a more profound relationship with life. The combination of engaging with sorrow while simultaneously appreciating beauty fosters a richer, more meaningful existence.
We’re delighted to share with you our most recent conversation with our dear friend and mentor, Francis Weller, psychotherapist, soul-activist, and author of the life-changing book The Wild Edge of Sorrow, as well as a newly released book of essays which we discuss in this interview. It is titled: In the Absence of the Ordinary: Essays in a Time of Uncertainty and is available for free or by donation on his website. https://www.francisweller.net/store.html
In this episode, recorded on May 26th, 2020, we jump right into discussing our current global circumstances as what Francis calls a Rough Initiation. We explore Francis’s suggestions for responding to overwhelm: self-compassion, turning toward our feelings, being astonished by beauty, and having patience. We explore what Francis calls growing an apprenticeship with sorrow, and the possibility metabolizing our sorrows into something medicinal for soul and for community. Francis speaks to a powerful quote from Human biologist Paul Shephard, that states, “The grief and sense of loss, that we often interpret as a failure in our personality, is actually a feeling of emptiness where a beautiful and strange otherness should have been encountered.” We explore this beautiful and strange otherness and so much more. We are sure you’ll enjoy this beautiful conversation as much as we did. Many thanks to Francis for sharing his words and wisdom so generously.
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