The Art of Manliness

Familiarity Breeds Contempt (And Other Underappreciated Consequences of Digital Communication)

Jan 28, 2025

Nicholas Carr, author of *Superbloom*, dives into the often-overlooked impact of digital communication on our connections and self-perception. He argues that the belief that more communication is better has faltered, leading to overwhelming interactions and superficial relationships. The conversation touches on how the evolution from thoughtful letters to rushed emails has diminished intimacy. Carr also highlights the unsettling nature of presenting multiple selves online and advocates for prioritizing meaningful exchanges over mere convenience in our digital age.

53:38

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Episode guests

Nicholas Carr

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Quick takeaways

Digital communication has diminished intimacy, as fast-paced messages replace the thoughtful exchanges once inherent in traditional letter writing.

The perception that increased sharing on social media fosters connection is flawed, as familiarity often leads to alienation and contempt.

Intentionality in choosing communication tools can enhance relationships, emphasizing the importance of depth over speed in interactions.

Deep dives

The Impact of Digital Communication on Self-Perception

Digital communication tools have significantly altered how individuals perceive themselves and connect with others. Nicholas Carr emphasizes that the prevalent belief that more communication automatically enhances relationships is misguided. As communication has accelerated and become more superficial, individuals often experience diminished engagement and introspection. This relentless pace, driven by digital tools, overwhelms human capacities for processing information and nurturing meaningful connections.

Intro

5min

The Evolution of Communication and Its Societal Impact

18min

Break for Ambition: Exploring Adventures and Learning

2min

The Evolution of Communication: From Letters to Emails

4min

The Evolution of Communication in the Digital Age

14min

Navigating Digital Vulnerability

9min

Navigating the Impact of Digital Communication on Identity and Relationships

6min

There has been a lot of cultural discussion of the way digital technologies and social media contribute to things like political polarization and adolescent depression.

But as I'll explore with Nicholas Carr, the author of Superbloom, our digital tools are also changing our ability to connect with others and our sense of self in less appreciated ways.

Today on the show, Nicholas unpacks why the optimistic idea that more communication is always better hasn't panned out and how the speed and volume of modern communication is overwhelming our human capacity to process information and maintain meaningful relationships. We discuss why the "messiness" of pre-digital communication might have actually been better for us, how email has evolved from thoughtful letters to rushed messages, and why seeing more of people online often makes us like them less. Nicholas also explains why having different versions of ourselves for different contexts was actually healthy and the simple rubric for better managing our relationship with digital communication tools.