Familiarity Breeds Contempt (And Other Underappreciated Consequences of Digital Communication)
Jan 28, 2025
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Nicholas Carr, author of *Superbloom*, dives into the often-overlooked impact of digital communication on our connections and self-perception. He argues that the belief that more communication is better has faltered, leading to overwhelming interactions and superficial relationships. The conversation touches on how the evolution from thoughtful letters to rushed emails has diminished intimacy. Carr also highlights the unsettling nature of presenting multiple selves online and advocates for prioritizing meaningful exchanges over mere convenience in our digital age.
Digital communication has diminished intimacy, as fast-paced messages replace the thoughtful exchanges once inherent in traditional letter writing.
The perception that increased sharing on social media fosters connection is flawed, as familiarity often leads to alienation and contempt.
Intentionality in choosing communication tools can enhance relationships, emphasizing the importance of depth over speed in interactions.
Deep dives
The Impact of Digital Communication on Self-Perception
Digital communication tools have significantly altered how individuals perceive themselves and connect with others. Nicholas Carr emphasizes that the prevalent belief that more communication automatically enhances relationships is misguided. As communication has accelerated and become more superficial, individuals often experience diminished engagement and introspection. This relentless pace, driven by digital tools, overwhelms human capacities for processing information and nurturing meaningful connections.
Historical Perspectives on Communication Technology
The podcast references Charles Horton Cooley, who highlighted the transformative power of communication technologies in shaping society. Cooley suggested that advancements in communication allow for the formation of social groups beyond geographical constraints. His concepts laid the groundwork for understanding how communication influences social structure, a theme picked up by later media theorists like McLuhan and Postman. This historical context illustrates how shifts in communication modes have longstanding implications for societal dynamics.
The Erosion of Thoughtful Communication
With the rise of email and text messaging, the art of meaningful correspondence has drastically changed. Initially, writing emails involved a thoughtful process akin to drafting letters; however, an increase in digital communication led to a culture of quick, rushed messages. This shift has resulted in a loss of intimacy and depth in exchanges, reflected in sloppier writing and the abandonment of traditional pleasantries. Carr argues this evolution signifies a broader decline in reflective and discerned communication methods.
The Dangers of Overexposure in Social Media
Social media encourages constant sharing and vulnerability, which paradoxically can lead to increased disconnection and contempt. As individuals reveal more of themselves online, they often expose differences that breed alienation. Research shows that greater familiarity can lead to heightened feelings of dissimilarity and dislike, challenging the assumption that sharing personal experiences fosters empathy. This phenomenon highlights the risks associated with continual exposure to others' lives and opinions in the digital landscape.
Strategies for Healthier Digital Communication
To mitigate the negative effects of digital communication, it is essential to utilize the right tools for specific contexts. Carr advocates for intentionality in communication, suggesting alternatives to quick texts, such as writing letters or having face-to-face conversations without distractions. By recognizing that digital tools are not universally suited for all types of interactions, individuals can cultivate richer and more fulfilling communication experiences. This conscious manage of technology use can help restore depth to relationships in an increasingly fragmented digital world.
There has been a lot of cultural discussion of the way digital technologies and social media contribute to things like political polarization and adolescent depression.
But as I'll explore with Nicholas Carr, the author of Superbloom, our digital tools are also changing our ability to connect with others and our sense of self in less appreciated ways.
Today on the show, Nicholas unpacks why the optimistic idea that more communication is always better hasn't panned out and how the speed and volume of modern communication is overwhelming our human capacity to process information and maintain meaningful relationships. We discuss why the "messiness" of pre-digital communication might have actually been better for us, how email has evolved from thoughtful letters to rushed messages, and why seeing more of people online often makes us like them less. Nicholas also explains why having different versions of ourselves for different contexts was actually healthy and the simple rubric for better managing our relationship with digital communication tools.
Resources Related to the Podcast
Nicholas' previous appearances on the AoM podcast: