In this engaging discussion, Ann Pierce, a former startup founder turned interpersonal conflict expert and organizer of the Love Symposium, explores the complexities of emotional responses in relationships. She reveals how constructive conflicts can bolster trust and emphasizes the danger of invalidation. Ann highlights the importance of understanding personality types and emotional triggers, and shares strategies for empathetic communication. Listeners will gain insights on breaking conflict cycles and fostering healthier interpersonal dynamics.
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Ann's Journey into Conflict Resolution
Ann Pierce, a former startup founder, became obsessed with interpersonal conflict after a difficult divorce.
This led her to research extensively on conflict, power dynamics, cognition, and mental health.
insights INSIGHT
Conflict as a Catalyst for Intimacy
Conflict, or disagreement, isn't inherently negative; it can build trust and intimacy when handled correctly.
Sharing disagreements is a vulnerable act that can strengthen relationships.
insights INSIGHT
The Role of Threat in Conflict
Threat perception transforms disagreements into fights.
Threats arise from potential harm or challenges to our identity, belonging, or sense of goodness.
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How to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk
Adele Faber
Elaine Mazlish
This book by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish provides practical advice on how to communicate more effectively with children. It covers topics such as acknowledging and addressing a child's feelings, engaging cooperation, resolving conflicts, and offering alternatives to punishments. The authors emphasize the importance of empathy, providing clear information, and encouraging children to come up with their own solutions. The book promotes a mindful, respectful, and compassionate approach to the parent-child relationship, helping parents to connect deeply with their children and foster greater mindfulness and communication[2][3][5].
How Emotions Are Made
The Secret Life of the Brain
Lisa Feldman Barrett
In this book, Lisa Feldman Barrett presents a new neuroscientific explanation of emotions, overturning the widely held belief that emotions are automatic, universal, and hardwired in different brain regions. Instead, she argues that emotions are constructed in the moment through a unique interplay of brain, body, and culture. Barrett's theory, known as the 'Theory of Constructed Emotions,' suggests that emotions are highly individualized and vary by culture. The book explores how this new understanding has significant implications for fields such as psychology, medicine, law, parenting, and national security. Barrett uses clear, readable prose and practical examples to make her complex theories accessible to a broad audience.
Today on Modern Relationships Erik Torenberg talks to Ann Pierce, a former startup founder who became obsessed with the mission of solving interpersonal conflict. Ann unpacks why conflict isn't inherently negative but actually builds trust when handled correctly. She covers why invalidation is the most common threat most of us encounter, how we misunderstand each other through projection, and how to break the cycles of conflict.
Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co
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SPONSOR: Relationship Hero
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LINKS:
Ann Pierce Website: https://www.annpierce.com/
Ann Pierce - Understanding Interpersonal Conflict: https://substack.com/home/post/p-153042013?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Love Symposium: https://symposium.love/
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FOLLOW ON X:
Ann - @itsannpierce
Erik - @eriktorenberg
Turpentine - @turpentinemedia
Chapters
00:00:00 Intro and Preview
00:01:56 Ann's Background and Research Journey
00:04:01 The Compatibility Question
00:06:00 Understanding Healthy Conflict
00:08:00 Personality Typologies and Wounds
00:12:27 Sponsor: Relationship Hero
00:14:04 The Nature of Threat Sensitivity
00:17:07 Breaking Conflict Cycles
00:20:16 Moving Beyond Binary Thinking
00:23:02 How Emotions Function
00:28:33 Emotional Regulation Tools
00:33:44 Misinterpreting Each Other
00:39:22 Language and Misunderstandings
00:44:35 Overcoming Threat Sensitivity
00:54:31 Building Self-Worth and Self-Esteem
00:55:21 Critiques of Couples Therapy
00:59:24 Practical Steps for Self-Improvement
01:01:29 Training and Practice for Better Relationships
"Modern Relationships" 
