The Cabrera Lab Podcast #98: Think It Through: Why Having the “Perfect Holiday” Is the Fastest Way to Ruin It
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Dec 17, 2025 In this enlightening discussion, the hosts explore how holiday visits can trigger childhood dynamics, regressing adults into old roles. They introduce systems thinking tools like the RAR Quad to help navigate family interactions and regain agency. The conversation challenges the myth of the 'perfect holiday,' revealing how such expectations can lead to disappointment. Personal anecdotes highlight the importance of valuing effort over perfection. Ultimately, they encourage curiosity and reflection to transform holiday experiences into opportunities for growth.
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Identity Is Relational Not Fixed
- Identity shifts depending on who you interact with because identity is co-created with the "other."
- Derek Cabrera explains your adult identity can revert to a childhood role when family others bring historical interactions to the present.
Pause To Change The Spiral
- Pause between an other's action and your reaction to choose your response with agency.
- Use the RAR Quad to interrupt habitual action–reaction spirals and send the dynamic in a new direction.
Zoom Into The Relationship
- Zoom into the relationship between action and reaction to inspect motives and histories.
- Practice this relationship-zoom (RDS) frequently so the move becomes fast and almost automatic.