Why Bouncing Back Is A Lie (And What Resilience Really Looks Like)

What if the most resilient people aren’t the ones who bounce back quickly—but those who allow themselves to break, feel, grieve, and still move forward?

In this heartfelt episode, we explore tragic optimism—a powerful reframe introduced by Viktor Frankl—and how it allows us to hold both pain and hope without bypassing either. You’ll learn how real resilience comes not from fixing or rushing, but from the ability to live with the full truth of what is and keep going anyway.

We’ll explore:

• Why “bouncing back” is a cultural myth

• What tragic optimism really means (and what it’s not)

• The nervous system’s role in resilience and meaning-making

• The 3 Ps of pessimism—and how to unlearn them

• Practical tools to regulate your body, reframe your thoughts, and hold space for grief and growth at once

This is your invitation to stop striving to return to “how things used to be”—and instead, build capacity to bounce forward with wisdom, gentleness, and courage.

Timestamps:

00:00 – Resilient people aren’t the fastest to recover

06:55 – When Breath Becomes Air & the phrase “devastatingly beautiful”

10:14 – What tragic optimism really means (Viktor Frankl)

13:05 – Why it’s not toxic positivity (Brad Stulberg’s take)

15:15 – Introducing learned optimism (Martin Seligman)

17:32 – The 3 Ps of pessimism and how to flip them

20:18 – Why your nervous system must feel safe before optimism is possible

23:12 – You can’t access nuance from a dysregulated state

25:50 – The nervous system’s role in meaning-making

28:36 – Post-traumatic growth: Making meaning, not finding it

31:45 – What it means to hold both pain and hope

33:58 – How to actually practice tragic optimism

36:10 – Step 1: Reframe with “both/and” language

37:15 – Step 2: Befriend your nervous system, not fight it

38:48 – Step 3: Hold space for others with “Tell me more”

40:10 – What resilience really looks like: bouncing forward

41:50 – Why regulating isn’t about avoiding pain—it’s about holding it

43:30 – Final thoughts: You can be devastatingly beautiful too

📝 Get My Resilience Journal

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