In this podcast, Kat discusses shame and secrecy, exploring their impact on therapy and our overall well-being. She emphasizes the power of sharing secrets and the negative effects of keeping them. The importance of embracing vulnerability, authenticity, and truthfulness for healing and connection is also highlighted.
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Quick takeaways
Shame becomes toxic when we hide it, as secrecy feeds off of shame.
Secrets have a profound impact on our mental and physical health, causing an increase in cortisol and affecting various bodily functions.
Deep dives
The Power of Sharing Secrets
Shame can easily show up in our lives and hijack us without us even knowing it. This episode explores the topic of shame and how it can affect us. Shame is the feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging. While shame is often seen as negative, it can be helpful when expressed and shared, as it connects us to others. However, shame becomes toxic when we hide it, as secrecy feeds off of shame. It is important to recognize that shame cannot survive when empathy enters the room, making empathy a healing agent.
The Impact of Secrets
Secrets have a profound impact on our mental and physical health. When we keep secrets, our brain becomes stressed, leading to an increase in cortisol, the stress hormone. Higher levels of cortisol can affect our memory, blood pressure, metabolism, immune system, GI tract, and sleep. It is important to differentiate between secrecy and privacy, as secrecy can be toxic, while privacy serves as a personal boundary. Recognizing that secrets keep us sick and that truth keeps us connected can help us release the power of secrecy.
The Role of Shame in Self-Rejection
Shame often leads to self-rejection, as it sends messages that we are flawed and unworthy. However, shame connects us to our humility and humanness, reminding us that we are not perfect and need help. Shame becomes toxic when we try to hide our authentic selves and present manufactured versions of ourselves. Shame and guilt are distinct emotions, with guilt focusing on behavior and shame focusing on our identity. It is important to acknowledge shame and not let it define our worth.
The Importance of Sharing and Connection
The less we talk about shame, the more shame we have. Shame feeds off secrecy, silence, and judgment. Toxic shame thrives on the belief that we are alone in our experiences. However, shame cannot survive when empathy enters the room. Sharing our secrets and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable connects us to others and fosters compassion within ourselves and others. By acknowledging our imperfect selves and embracing vulnerability, we find true belonging and connection.
This week, Kat is diving into the world of shame and secrecy. In this episode you will get a refresh on what shame is, where it comes from, and what it feeds off of. Then Kat walks us through the role secrecy plays in our own shame.