ERP 277: How To Cultivate More ‘Authentic Relating’ In Relationship - An Interview with Sara Ness

Jul 20, 2021

49:26

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Authentic relating refers to how you express your own authentic self, the way you seek the same from your partner, and the dynamic created in between. Sara Ness, an internationally acclaimed facilitator, teacher, and community-builder popularized the field of Authentic Relating through the use of authentic relating games.

The values of authentic relating include awareness, empathy, honesty, and the importance of creating space. Not only does this help romantic relationships blossom into their most authentic forms, but it also helps multinational organizations like Google, Mindvalley, and Burning Man grow in authentic leadership and communication.

Sara Ness wrote the source text for Authentic Relating and has worked with tens of thousands of students in more than 100 communities on every continent except Antarctica.

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

In this episode:

04:12 Authentic relating involves 3 perspectives: ourselves (authenticity), the other person and how we relate, and the space in between. There is a constant feeling out of how much of our authentic truth we bring and seek, and the synergy between.
08:39 Authentic relating games like Withholds and Appreciations allow you to look at your relationship instead of simply being in it. These exercises reveal, through honest communication, relationship patterns that may act as barriers in relationship.
13:11 The Noticing game puts to words the feelings, sensations, and lines of thoughts you have with your partner. It reveals the idea of presence in connection with someone else.
18:04 Authenticity has layers and is congruent to the values we are committed to. Your values will dictate the level and kind of authenticity you respond from.
22:00 Authentic relating exercises are also effective within multinational companies like Google, as well as the addiction recovery space and diversity discussions.
25:08 It is even possible to use authentic relating games to actually meet your romantic partner because it teaches how to set boundaries, make requests, and discover your values within a relationship.
30:54 Knowing what helps you recover from a trigger before it even happens is one of the most powerful things you can do in relationship.
33:36 Making a request is about changing behavior. This must be navigated caringly as different people and social cultures may have different ways of communication. Space must be created for these behaviors to change.
39:40 The act of making request is complex and involves vulnerability. Sometimes there is a need to go through conflict to figure out what your request truly is.
43:37 How to get in touch with Sara and learn more about Authentic Relating

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