#1222 - Taking Control of Self-Control

Can self-control be taught? In this episode, Justin and Kylie explore the science of self-regulation and how parents can help their kids—and themselves—build better habits. Drawing on an insightful interview with Professor Ethan Kross, author of Chatter, the conversation highlights strategies for boosting motivation, building emotional resilience, and taking control in those tricky moments where willpower fails.

KEY POINTS:

• Self-control is not an innate trait—it's a skill that can be learned and strengthened.

• Motivation plays a crucial role in our capacity for self-control.

• External factors like being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or stressed (HALTS) reduce our ability to regulate ourselves.

• Self-distancing, including the “Batman Effect,” can help children and adults manage strong emotions and make better decisions.

• People who appear to have strong self-control often just design their environments to avoid temptation.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“People who seem to have the most self-control often set up their environments in such a way that they don’t need to exercise it at all.”

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

• Teaching kids self-control starts with helping them understand triggers and setting up supportive environments.

• Self-control can be undermined by stress and unmet needs—parents should be compassionate, not critical.

• The “Batman Effect” (asking “What would Batman do?”) helps kids take a step back from their impulses and act with intention.

• Modelling healthy responses and acknowledging your own challenges shows kids that emotional regulation is a lifelong practice.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross

• HALTS acronym (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Stressed)

• Ethan Kross’s full interview (to be aired Saturday)

• happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

1. Teach kids about HALTS—help them recognise when their emotional state is affecting behaviour.

2. Use the “Batman Effect” or similar strategies to encourage self-distancing during challenging moments.

3. Model self-control by setting up environments that reduce temptation (e.g., not keeping junk food at home).

4. Have regular conversations about motivation and how it supports goals and values.

5. Tune in to the full interview with Ethan Kross for deeper insights and practical tools.

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