64: Rebel or Control Freak? Why We Bounce from Being Overly Strict with Ourselves to Giving Up with Amanda

Today’s caller, Amanda, wants to know how to stop obsessing about calorie counting, her physical appearance, and working out. Like many of the sessions, you hear on this podcast, the focus of our conversation takes a different direction. Amanda acknowledges she felt controlled by her parents growing up. And, the biggest thing I taught Amanda is how we often pair certain behaviors with love. For example, we know our parents are supposed to love us, so the way they parent us is what we think is love. In Amanda’s case, it was being strict because she knew her parents loved her. So, she formed a correlation between being strict and controlling, with love. Her attempts to parent herself, care for herself, and love herself the way her parents did, are a big part of her food and calorie counting obsession. She believes that is how she keeps herself safe, much like her parents thought their strict parenting would keep her safe. It ends up as a fear-based version of safety, and it’s exhausting. Another thing at play was Amanda’s history of rebelling. When we have one extreme that feels limiting, we go to the opposite extreme in an attempt to free ourselves. Amanda felt controlled, so to move away from it, she was rebellious and acted out to get free of the feeling of being controlled. Coaches and Health Professionals — are you practicing what you preach?  Are you attempting to save yourself through serving others? You can share your story and help others, but make yourself your own best client. We can’t shift ourselves by saving other people. Remember, it’s important for you to show people they do have a wisdom voice inside, and a part of them that is connected to a pure, untainted heart.   Consider/Ask Yourself: ● Are you a bit of a control freak in your life? Are there areas you are obsessive or rigid? ● Do you have an inner rebel? Does part of you act out or engage in addictive behavior? ● Are you in a profession where you are not practicing what you are preaching? ● Is your self-talk negative, and you would like to shift it?   Amanda's Question: Amanda feels mentally exhausted. She wants to know how to trust herself and change her patterns.   Amanda's Key Insights and Ahas: ● Her obsessing is her attempt to care for herself. ● She’s afraid she doesn’t deserve a good relationship. ● She believes she is broken. ● She has constructed her persona, and doesn’t know who she is. ● She doesn’t know how to talk to herself. ● She is trying to use her clients to help herself. ● She should practice what she preaches.   How to Get Over It and On With It: ● She should talk to herself every day from a place of acceptance. ● She should parent herself in a way that is full of unconditional love and support. ● Attend Christine’s Spring Retreat to help process her old belief systems. ● She needs to be able to lose control and to know she will be ok. ● She needs to read Expectation Hangover. ● She needs to treat herself like she treats her clients.   Assignments and Takeaways: ● Identify and deconstruct certain behaviors that may be cross-wired with love. ● Consider getting a pet. A pet is a way to learn about unconditional love without getting into codependency. ● If you are in the pattern of control or rebellion, start a spiritual practice.   Sponsor: Audible - Free audiobook download and a 30-day free trial.   Resources: Christine Hassler Expectation Hangover Women’s Spring Retreat - March 2017 Christine Hassler Podcasts Christine Hassler Free E-book Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler @christinhassler on Twitter @christinehassler on Instagram Christine@christinehassler.com Jill@christinehassler.com