How to make friendship work. A conversation with Robin Dunbar
Nov 10, 2023
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Guest Robin Dunbar, an Oxford evolutionary psychologist, discusses the dynamics of friendship, including Dunbar's Number and threshold group sizes. They explore the impact of social media on friendships, cultural variations in friendship perceptions, and the importance of rituals in maintaining relationships.
Friendship's quality is influenced by time and reciprocity, varying from acquaintances to deep bonds.
Optimal group sizes like 5, 15, 50, and 150 enhance relationship dynamics and efficiency in social networks.
Cultural factors shape friendships, influenced by shared interests, history, and belonging within communities.
Deep dives
Defining Friendship
Friendship is described as a deep bond that varies in quality, ranging from platonic friendships to acquaintances. The emotional strength of a friendship is linked to the time invested in the relationship, reflecting levels of reciprocity and obligation.
Structuring Social Networks
Human social networks tend to follow specific optimal numbers in terms of information flow efficiency. These numbers, including 5, 15, 50, and 150, represent peaks where relationships stabilize and work more effectively. The emotional closeness of friendships plays a key role in defining the layers within social networks.
Cross-Cultural Observations on Friendship
Friendships exhibit variations across cultures, influenced by factors like language, ethnicity, and gender. The quality and dynamics of friendships are shaped by shared interests, history, and a sense of belonging within a cultural community.
Evolution of Friendships and Social Environments
Historically, social networks were established through shared activities and rituals within small communities. Modern challenges like loneliness among young adults in urban settings highlight the importance of creating social environments at the workplace to foster friendships.
Friendship and Social Bonds in Work Environments
Work environments serve as social hubs where friendships are formed and maintained. Implementing social activities and promoting a sense of community at work can enhance employee satisfaction and well-being, emphasizing the role of friendship in professional settings.
Robin Dunbar is an Oxford evolutionary psychologist who has written extensively about friendship, amongst other things, not least in relation to “Dunbar’s Number”.
We talked about what friendship is, and how it differs from other loves. We explored the varieties of friendship that people experience, and why metaphors such as “circles of friends” are so significant.
Numbers are illuminating when it comes to understanding the dynamics of friendship, not only Dunbar’s Number, but also other threshold numbers – 5, 15, 50, 150, 500. Get those group sizes right, and much will be gained.
We also asked about why social media seems to corrosive to friendship, how notions of friendship do and don’t vary across cultures, why gender differences in attitudes to friendship seem so robust, and whether we need rituals of friendship to guide this most important of relationships.
Robin referenced the seven pillars of friendship. These are language or dialect, geography, educational experiences, hobbies and interests, moral or spiritual viewpoints, political views, sense of humour and taste in music.
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